TLDR: My wife forgave me for not telling her about the kiss and we decided to keep her as a friend for now.
Update: if you haven't read the previous post, it's clear that I had a lot to take away from this situation and work on. To clear up a couple of questions and comments. Our friend group has a 13-year age gap from youngest to oldest. Most of us have or had siblings in the group, which is why we have such a difference in ages. I am autistic and have an issue with dealing with most uncomfortable situations. The kiss was on the lips and yes I froze in the situation. It didn't come across to me as anything other than odd. I thought about telling my wife right away but was uncomfortable doing so in front of the others so didn't at the time, it was playing on my mind for the rest of game night and had me unsure what it was and if it was important to tell her.
After the initial post, I left work early to inform my wife what happened on Friday. After 2 long hours, we had a few things to deal with. We agreed I was wrong for not telling her about it right away, which is no surprise, but she was thankful I told her. We promised to work on our relationship and communication.
After work the following day, following a commenter's advice, we took a trip to get out of town for a few days and go camping. This has helped us reconnect and reminded us of why we got married in the first place.
We got back to town today, and my wife had invited Amy over in the evening to discuss what happened. My wife decided that she wanted to further talk about what happened in person after she spoke to her initially on Monday.
The conversation on Monday with Amy – Following your advice, I suggested that my wife call Amy to confirm my story, so she did. Amy immediately confessed before my wife even had a chance to confront her fully. Amy said that she had been struggling recently and she needed support. The failed date and seeing me play the father figure, along with seeming to care about her day, made her feel wanted. She said that she felt awful immediately, and that is why she rushed home. This call went on for nearly an hour, where we discussed how we felt hurt as a couple and how we need to set some boundaries. We agreed that we would be stepping back from helping with her and the kid for the time being, but agreed that if we were to help again, my wife would deal with most of it. My wife and I agreed that I wouldn't be left alone with Amy for some time to be sure and this includes games nights. Amy said that she understood how we felt and continued to show remorse. So my wife, for some reason, invited her over today.
Friday – So the two of them spoke for a few hours today about everything. They went back over the boundaries and what was expected if Amy was going to remain friends with us. Against what I think is the right choice, my wife and Amy are going to continue as friends for now. We are still going to help out, but the interactions that I have with Amy will be limited as I am still not 100% sure of the whole situation. I know many of you will be against this but we have set some ground rules on how often we help out. Amy agreed that looking for a partner right now will be the last thing on her list, and she will be focusing on her child, work and mental health. Amy is already in counselling and is likely to need more time.
We agreed that this was something not to be discussed with the wider friend group, as we are sure they all have very different opinions, and we all want to keep the peace.
One key boundary that I think had made a massive difference on the outcome of this and hopefully helped Amy understand the situation and how I felt is that I won't be carpooling with Amy to work when she goes back to University in September. I work in the next city over, not far from the university. Before all this happened I had agreed to take Amy into the city on my way to work for the few days she has in-person lessons as I will already be making the trip and especially in the winter the roads can get dangerous. I feel bad for this but it was one of the things my wife had reminded me that I would have been alone with her in the car for some time. Depending on how things go I might be willing to offer this again but not sure if it's the right thing to do.
My wife has gone to bed early tonight, as camping takes a toll on the body, and I am left wondering about this whole thing and hopefully things will go back to some sort of normal soon.
Our marriage seems to be still intact, and we have shared a lot and discussed the feelings we have both been having about other issues in our relationship. Our marriage isn't perfect, but we are going to work on it and promise not to let things like this happen again. Turns out, when you communicate effectively, you both find out the things that annoyed us about the relationship, which made the whole kiss issue the least concerning. We both have a lot to work on when it comes to our relationship as a whole but something we are both willing to work on.
I am not sure if keeping Amy as a friend was a good idea but I will have to see how this goes before approaching my wife, was this the right thing to do?