I (16M) have done irreparable damage to my relationship with my (16F) girlfriend.
A few days ago my girlfriend’s grandmother passed away in front of her. For context, she has now seen three of her grandparents pass away with one of them being the family member she was closest to.
When it happened, I stayed on the phone for about an hour, at which point she had also stopped responding much probably as she was processing everything. Due to my years of emotional neglect towards myself, here I found that I neglected her, and didn’t even realise it.
About two hours after it happened, I told her I had to go to the gym. At the time I didn’t think much of it and in my mind I just thought that she might want to be on her own and I didn’t want to be pushy and let her process what happened. This was the wrong approach.
Fast forward to yesterday, it was a public holiday and almost every weekend my parents and I go out as a family for 5+ hours. She doesn’t like this much as she’d like me to talk to her but understands that I have to spend time with my parents as well. This weekend however was different. She had had one of the worst weeks of her life and yet I didn’t even try to argue with my parents to stay at home just to support her.
She kept saying she hates me but she says that whenever she’s upset with me and normally doesn’t mean it but this time was different. Then she told me about how I should’ve stayed home and she just wanted me to be there for her, also pointing out how I went to the gym the literal day it happened.
That’s when it dawned to me what a horrible fucker I’d been. I’d completely neglected her and it was all because I myself never understood my own emotions so I wasn’t able to understand hers.
Now I started profusely apologising and crying over text and although she forgave me eventually and even assured me that she’ll never leave me I can’t help but feel like it’s only down from here. I can’t help but feel that sooner or later she will resent me for it (as she should)
I assured her that I will also work on my emotional intelligence and maturity so that I can support her moving forward because I really want us to work out, however is what I did really something that can be forgiven?
For the record I have for years suppressed my own emotions and don’t really talk about how I feel completely but only a little bit. I also brush off most of my emotions and try to move past them which I suppose contributed to how I approached the situation.
I’m starting to read more about emotional intelligence and emotional maturity but I really think I’m not deserving of her love. She is the best person in my life and loves me so much. She never fails to make me happy when I’m sad and always supports me no matter what. She always reassures me and makes me feel seen and heard.
Will she really be able to forgive me? Will working on myself really help the relationship or is this truly irreparable damage?
TL;DR – Messed up big time, can I really save the relationship?