But I (31M) don't really see how.
I recently accepted a job offer with a starting salary of around $250k, with a market-standard pay raise schedule up to $500k+ in 8 years (IYKYK). Among the many thoughts I had as I accepted this offer, I thought "I'm sure this will impress women."
Now, I haven't actually started this job yet, but my lifestyle won't change significantly. I already live in a nice high-rise apartment. I have a nice car. I have nice(ish) clothes (I'm not super stylish). Most of these things I bought with my prior military salary or my current VA education benefits. I suppose I could get a nicer car and a nicer apartment once I'm making more money, but women don't even see those things, usually, until the first or second date anyway.
To be honest… I did ok dating when I was a college dropout. I did ok when I was making $50k/yr as a military NCO. I did ok as a graduate student without a post-graduate offer. And I do the same as a graduate student with a post-graduate offer. I don't see how it will change once I start this job.
And interestingly, maybe this is because of my more modest, trailer park upbringing… I don't feel confident around women who seem to be from money. There are a lot of women like that in my city: packs of women in their mid-20s with the trendy hairstyles and dresses and perfect orthodontist-approved teeth who just look expensive. I still feel like I'm in a different social class than them and I avoid them.
I guess this wasn't even really venting. But anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free to share how your career or salary has affected your dating life.
24 comments
Vacations
Nice dinners
Tickets to fun events
There can be a massive difference in lifestyle, even if you keep your same apartment and car
Also, if you ever want to have kids, it will be significantly easier with the higher salary, and your future wife might have the option to stay home with your kids instead of working if you’re making $250k+ depending on where you’re living and what kind of lifestyle you want.
Tbh the kind of women who will be attracted to men with money are just the ones that want you to spend it on them. I am not that kind of woman, so money doesn’t impress me. Sure, its nice, but you can have money and be an a-hole, and have no time for me. Money doesn’t make up for that. I don’t know you, but you seem like a decent dude, so hopefully they’ll be attracted to you for you, without knowing you have money. When you find a girl like that, that’s real wealth.
An inconvenient truth
I have a very comfortable income and higher education. Has not increased/improved my dating life 😭
Money doesn’t impress women as much as it used to because women can make their own money now 🙂 if you’re looking for women who’ll be impressed by your money…. Well, suffice it to say they’ll disappoint you in more ways than one.
How much time will you need to spend at work? I was engaged to a man who made that kind of money and he spent so much time working. That relationship did not lead to marriage for several reasons. I suppose I could have made it work with him but the money did not entice me to stick it out.
You sure you want someone like that? If you ever get sick and the money stops rolling in you’ll get kicked out. Such as benefit based relationships, once the benefits end the relationship follows.
Unless you’re only after sex, which should be easy at your current wage, just pay someone. (Be careful of stds tho)
I’m impressed talk to me
If the only thing you bring to the table is money, that means other aspects of who you are like your looks, hobbies, personality, character, morals, and values aren’t something you care about.
As a woman, I will say bluntly that I DON’T want a man who’s got a lot of money because, like you said: different social class. Plus the whole thing where some people try to make their wealth their whole personality, and never work on themselves at all because being rich is “enough”!
Money ≠ A good partner
Plus, I make my own
Depends on the person. I have dated women who are very materialistic and superficial but I am not rich by any means. I don’t dress flashy but nice at the same times. You can tell when a man is insecure when they bring up where they live or what car they drive when speaking to women.
I have even had men upset at me because they feel I get more attention from women than they do because they feel they are more “high value”. It’s nonsense but funny at the same time.
Yeah idk I try to stay away from men who make too much money. They’re always dicks and like to hold their paychecks over you.
I mean, you can have money and still have the personality of stale bread. I’m personally not going to forgo chemistry and a good sense of humor for money.
IDGAF about a guy’s money.
I make 4x my fiancé’s salary. I have my own money.
I care that we share values, a sense of humor, a love for horror and Halloween. I care that he treats my kids like his own, supports me emotionally, and that we have amazing conversations. I love that he loves my cooking, helps out around the house, and supports my gardening and fiber arts hobbies. I love that he doesn’t talk down to me, has never once raised his voice to me, and that we talk through any issue that comes up.
ETA: We both grew up in trailers. I found that I don’t have anything in common with people who grew up middle class or wealthy. Our lived experiences differed way too much and the entitlement, expectations, and lack of empathy in the people I dated with those experiences was a serious deal breaker for me.
I’m broke and honestly a man with money would be nice. But I don’t have the energy for modern relationships it’s just too much
Money can help, but as others note, a lot of women make their own.
Additionally, the rise of dating apps and social media has greatly increased the focus on looks (which was always high, but is now even more important). Women can afford to be picky and select only on looks.
At the end of the day, you can only influence things so much. I make good money for my area (top 2% or so), but I am unattractive, so I am lucky to pull single moms who need a lot of help.
Like you, I grew up poor, but I’m starting to make some real money as I’m nearing 30. My ex gf of 5 years grew up rich and went to a prestigious private school with billionaires. She always lectured me about spending more money because she never understood the fear of becoming homeless and hungry. There’s no need to feel insecure around them – rich people are often ignorant and worse at managing money since they’ve never had to learn. You are self-made, so you have nothing to prove.
I would advise you to keep your wealth a secret. Don’t even tell women how much money you have because you might attract the wrong type of person. Materialistic people will never be satisfied in life.
Have been single for a while. When I was using the dating apps (6 years ago), I never had much luck. Around that time I bought my first house, and started making some decent money. I went from like 40 to 100k. And while I didn’t expect to be flooded with female attention just because of this, In the back of my mind I did think “this should help in the love department”. It did not. Not one bit. I’m sure this is mostly due to my lack interest in dating, but I really did expect it to maybe help out a little in getting a few dates. I don’t think it matters as much as a lot of people think. If anything it may have just boosted my confidence slightly, which I think if applied correctly would help in the dating department. It at least removed the negative internal dialogue of “who would want to me, I live in the shitty apartment and make $40k”.
You’ve been sold a line of BS.
You cannot buy or negotiate attraction. Attraction is not a choice. A masculine physique, the right combo of hormonal cues, and how other women react to you will determine if a woman finds you hot or not.
The biggest misconception I see on Reddit is that there’s some magic bullet for dating. Money, height, looks etc. None of this matters if you’re a boring person who doesn’t even like themselves. If you’re posting your woes on Reddit you have work to do.
Not that you are wrong, but you haven’t started this new job yet. Also, you’re planning to live the same lifestyle. Reality might be different. Lifestyle creep is a real thing.
Also, there might be a difference in the types of women you spend time with and try to date.
Only one way to find out what happens though.
If you advertise a high paying job, you will attract women who are attracted to money and ambition. “Money motivated” doesn’t necessarily mean they want you to spend money on them (although in my experience often does), but they may have lifestyle expectations that are incompatible with your stated way you live your life.
I found when I advertised a high paying job, I attracted one kind of woman, and advertising less financially oriented interests, I attracted a different kind of woman.
Women are attracted to men who have their lives put together. For some, a lot of money is a signifier of that. Some just want the material wealth as well.
Still convinced that a high-achieving woman would be perfectly happy with dating a man who makes significantly less if they cooked, cleaned, managed finances appropriately, and is secure with themselves.
If the only thing you have to offer is money, you’ll attract girls who are only interested in your money…
Women are attracted to a guy with money WHO ALSO HAS OTHER ATTRACTIVE QUALITIES.