Hey Reddit, I really need to get this off my chest.
I’ve had a crush on this girl for a while(M/17 and she is 17/F also but older than me by only one day) and in that while we used to flirt a lot playfully ,she would lock eye contact with me for minutes,she would tell me "I love u" but I thought she was playing around and she would always ask me about my dream girl and that she could marry me in the future even her brother told me that I could marry her in the future. She did also heavily compliment me to my mom even tho I wasn't there with them. Her parents are very sweet and like me alot but my dumb ahh didn't take the chance to get fully in . so fast forward in these 12 since we last met in person alongside my cousin who is my bff and she is also his cousin we chatted often and talked about life but it got less and less frequent even tho she was so sweet and I remember making her a cute video for her birthday that made her send me 5 hearts reacting to this message on IG. This summer, we didn't really talk much but today I told her It has been a little while since I heard from her , so she tells me that she doesn't have a phone currently and all of a sudden: she told me something that completely crushed me: she’s dating a guy who’s four years older than her while begging me not to tell anyone . She told me that he is the sweetest guy ever. I wished her luck on her relationship and told her that whenever she needs anything or wants to talk about something I will always be available. She told me " I really appreciate that so much"
I’m feeling a mix of sadness, frustration, and jealousy, and I’ve never had a heartbreak hit me this hard before. I keep thinking about what could’ve been, and part of me worries that maybe she told me this to push me away or test my reaction.
I dunno what I should do now . Should I wait for her, should I move on….I'm really confused
I don’t know if I’ll ever get over her, or if I’ll find someone better in the future. Right now, it just hurts so much. I’m trying to respect her space and her relationship, but it’s hard to process all these feelings on my own.
My biggest fear of all, is not finding a girl better than her
And I really got attached and obsessed over this girl that I would spend my night thinking about our future together with kids and imagining our happy life but I guess life got in the way. I really can't forgive my self for not being direct and serious about my feeling and not securing her.
Have any of you gone through something like this? How did you cope and move on without losing your mind?and will I ever find someone better ????
Tldr: my crush told me she is dating someone even tho I'm falling for her