My (23F) boyfriend (26M) and I have been together for almost three years. I graduated from college about a year ago and he just graduated in May with a music degree. In the time that we have known each other, his plan – as he told me – was to teach music and I have always supported that. More recently, he told me that that goal is unrealistic due to lack of teaching experience, no job openings, etc and has basically given up on the idea. I feel terrible that he thinks this dream is so out of reach and I have tried to be as encouraging as I can. Basically since the time we started dating, he's been working a chill retail job where he's gotten one $1 raise since he started working there. He currently gets paid $15.50/hr working around 35 hours a week. There is no room for growth or raises at this place. He likes this job because he's basically allowed to do whatever he wants (practicing bass, playing video games, watching football) which I honestly find to be pretty ridiculous but hey if he's getting paid to do it, who am I to complain? I, on the other hand, was fortunate enough to land a salaried full-time job in my field shortly after I graduated. I am not rich by any means whatsoever but I make enough to take care of myself, certainly not two people.
We have been talking for a while about getting a place together when our leases end which is quickly approaching. My boyfriend can barely afford to take care of himself and doesn't like to buy food outside of rice and ramen. He doesn't like to spend money on dates or cheap flowers, doesn't even really try to plan cheap dates. It's gotten to the point where I have to buy myself flowers because he just won't and I end up paying for dates just so we can have one. I completely understand being frugal but I have brought up several times that I think it would take a lot of stress off of both of us if he looked into getting another job and he always says that no one is hiring. Not even restaurants or other retailers. As someone who worked 2-3 jobs in college, I am confident that someone is hiring, it just won't be the job of his dreams. It has been several months at this point and I get the feeling that he has completely given up looking for another job. I have sent him jobs in the area but it just makes him mad at me because he said it makes him feel inadequate which is NEVER my intention, I am honestly just trying to help him out. I worry a lot about his lack of drive and he has outright said that he doesn't mind this lifestyle but it has been affecting our relationship for a while. He has basically no savings, no insurance, no emergency funds. He grew up very poor and I try to be as empathetic as possible but his complacency in his current situation makes me feel he is not as serious about the relationship as I am. I don't need a man to provide for me but I do value financial stability. Just looking for advice in this situation. I love him so much and hate to see him struggling to pay his bills. I just don't know the best way to support him and I am considering not moving in with him until he can take care of himself. Any advice and perspectives would be appreciated.
tldr: my boyfriend is struggling financially and I don't know how to help him as we are about to take a major step in our relationship