27 m for the record.
So might sound a bit weird to put this as a success story but it kinda is?
I've always gone down the same route in dating things go well at first and it slowly trickles out over a few days or sometimes weeks where she will just leave me on read for hours or and then just give one word responses, or ignore my messages but be actively online stuff like that. And usually I just keep trying keep almost begging for attention or affection or to give me a chance.
But not this time. Last night I messaged her and said it's been great getting to know her but I promised my self that if I tried dating again I wouldn't go through these motions again.
I told her it's terrible for my mental health having her upload stories and be visibly online while ignoring me and while I liked her and wished things could have gone better that I'm not going to be her backup for when she's bored or lonely and that I was calling it.
I really do wish her the best and I'm not angry or spiteful or anything I just decided not to drain my energy on someone that didn't even want it.
It's the first time I think in my life that I've been the one to say that I've had enough and moved on instead of clinging onto something that's not even there.
Feels still a bit bad but no more checking to see if she's even read my message all hours of the day just to get a 2 or 3 word response.
9 comments
Good on you! No point continuing if your communication styles are different and it’s impacting your mental health.
Good for you! Keep going. You’re making a list of things you look for in a partner and don’t !
Good job! 👏
Yikes. Personally I think it’s a giant red flag if you can’t go a day without a reply from someone. Thinking that you should be a priority for this woman who you’re not even dating, you’re just talking to them, is arrogant and emotionally selfish.
Maybe you have so little going on in your life that you have all the energy in the world to be on the edge of your seat for her messages, but it sounds like to me that she has a life and other priorities she has to put energy towards.
You’re a grown ass 27 year old man with the attachment issues of a teenage girl. Grow up.
You did good for yourself. Everyone has different ideas of what they want in a relationship and compatibility in communication is fundamental.
It will drive you absolutely nuts to be with someone with a different communication style.
Great job 👏 I’ve been very quick to unmatch if the energy isn’t being reciprocated lately and it’s greatly improved my mental health on the apps too.
Proud of you! it is hard but you are protecting your energy and opening up space in your life to someone who does reciprocate. Personally, when I ignore guys for days is because I am not too interested. Good luck! And good job valuing yourself. Just these small things make us attract what we deserve
Bravo, sir! I commend you! It’ll get easier the more it happens. Not that I’m wishing for it to happen to you more but you’re making progress and that’s all that matters!
I’d consider that a success story for real! You should be proud. I’m proud of you. After always being the one to put in effort and trying to “fix” my relationships to the point they were well beyond repair, I initiated a break up for the first time and I was super proud of myself. Albeit, it was after he had bailed on plans for the 3rd time in two months with no communication. In hindsight, he shouldn’t have been given the 2nd chance let alone a 3rd, but it was a step forward in me realizing my worth and not feeling like I needed to work harder to convince someone else of my worth. That single action gave me the momentum to change how I showed up in relationships.