I have been doing some self-reflection on my love life, and have discovered the following.
– Sex and romance brings me so much joy, and I would go to the ends of the earth for my girl, as whenever I have held a woman in my arms I have felt a certain joy that words cannot quite articulate.
– But it has also brought an even greater amount of pain. Breakups, or situationships destroy me. Young me was particularly vulnerable to the situationship, where you would do everything but label the relationship as a relationship.
– After sex I am attached, and I want something serious. I have had to learn despite the emotion and passion of sex, it can indeed be meaningless to others. It has been hard to comprehend how it could be meaningless, as I have literally been inside her and seen her smile during the act and felt my heart physically melt as a result
– But I am now untrusting, given I have known people secretly seeing others
– I want flowers and romance, and have given flowers and romance, but I get "situationships," that leave me heart-broken.
I have been with 22 women, to varying degrees of seriousness. 4 will be inside my heart forever, and a part of me never stops loving them, even if they have broken my heart.
I want a wife and kids, in order to create a family and have a purpose in my life bigger than myself. I want it, because it will give me something to fight for that is bigger than me. But, today, love and family is not as important to society anymore.