Married, late 30s, 2 kids, both in preschool for half days, and home with mom half days. In the mornings, I'm partially helpful, sometimes making breakfast or brushing teeth, but not doing the lions share because its my deployment window for work. When I get off of work at 5, I cook dinner or take the kids somewhere for an hour and bring home fast food, and its all kid time until I pass out around with the eldest around 8pm or so. Wife passes out with the youngest. We sleep separately with one parent and one kid.
I feel like my wife has a reasonable workload. She's a SAHM. The kids are out at preschool for at least four hours a day so she should have some degree of time for herself. I take them after work and try to give her at least another hour to herself. But she seems ALWAYS overwhelmed, and resentful at me for it.
I don't understand how her level of responsibility is overwhelming. I don't have any range of time where I'm just clear other than like now, at 3 am.
She says mean things to me, usually in front of the kids, almost every day. Today she called me a punk, insulted my genes, says its good our three year old has her genes because they're strong genes, etc etc. And this can just happen at any time of day. It's like 2pm, I'm working, what am I supposed to do? I'm sorry one has a shitty diaper and the other is being a psycho, but like I'm making sure we have a house right now.
And then she tries to just be friendly later like I'm supposed to feel better because she isn't actively insulting me _right now_. I don't understand why she has to be so mean almost every day. Even if it's for 15 – 30 minutes, why is it necessary to act like that.
And she is CONSTANTLY getting into situations that make her unable to help. Last weekend, I took us on a family vacation and she sprained her ankle immediately, so it was me alone with the kids. Two weeks prior, she slipped on a kids toy and damaged her knee, so that weekend was me alone with the kids. She has been sick multiple times in between. And its like she'll refuse to go to the doctor and then blame me for this stuff. It's like in her head, there is no personhood so every thing that she does or doesn't do is my fault. When I was sick and couch bound for three days a few months back, she was so resentful and mean. I do this for her all the time, but the shoe is on the other foot for three days, and she is so cruel.
I can't take it anymore. I just want to be treated nicely by someone consistently. I'm a good dad. I'm so close to just wanting to fully separate and take the financial hit, but she has 0 job prospects and never graduated middle school. That means the kids are going to have to take the financial hit, and things like private school, college savings, or even their preschool is just tabled.
What can I even do at this point.