TLDR: wife is forcing no contact with my mother.
I’ll try and be objective as possible when describing the situation I’m in. My wife (31) and I (33) have been married for 7 years and have a 3 year old. We met in my hometown and have lived here since. She is from out of state and doesn’t have family here. My family (mother, aunts, sister) all are close by.
The relationship that my wife has had with my mother has always been rocky, but seemed to improve since having our child. I don’t blame my wife for the rocky relationship with her, I’ve never been close with my mother and maybe called to check in every other week while being a single young adult. Despite living in driving distance, I may have visited once or so a month. The relationships with my aunts and sister were similar, maybe seeing them at family gatherings (Christmas, occasional BBQ ect).
When my wife and I first met, she was very interested in developing relationships with my aunts and grandma. I’ll admit my mother was standoff-ish and probably jealous. Wife became close with my aunts for the first couple of years. Since having our child, my mother has come around and her relationship with my wife has improved greatly.
There was some drama with one of my aunts recently, and we went no contact with her. This was a decision that my wife and I made together after my aunt said some hurtful things about her. My grandmother, aunt, and my mother all supported our decision to go no contact.
This isn’t the first time my wife has gone no contact with family. I completely support the decision with my aunt, but it seems like a pattern with other female family on her side. I try to stay out of their drama, and support her. However, if I was a third party to this, I would question if she is running away from difficult conversations.
Recently, my mother made amends with my aunt that we are no contact with. She called my wife and asked if she thought I would talk with my aunt again. This made my wife very upset, I took the phone and told my mother ‘No, not interested in speaking’ with this aunt.
My wife now does not want any contact with my mother. I understand she’s upset that my mother overstepped, but this seems a bit drastic. It feels like an ultimatum to me and I’m not entirely sure if it’s healthy.
I have been thinking about how to handle this. It feels like my wife is forcing distance and trying to alienate me from my family.