I (36M) married my wife (34F) 9 years ago. Back then she was active, fit and took care of herself. She’d hit the gym, dress up when we went out, actually try in the bedroom. She used to radiate confidence.
Now? She’s gained over 70 pounds, lives in sweatpants, eats DoorDash almost every night, and hasn’t stepped foot in a gym in years. She’s out of breath walking up the stairs and spends hours on the couch scrolling TikTok. The only time she wants intimacy is when the lights are off and she’s under the covers and even then its rare.
Heres what pisses me off, if I stopped showering, got fat, and quit trying entirely, she’d call me lazy and unattractive. But when she does it, I’m “shallow” if I notice? I still go to the gym 5 days a week, cook healthy meals, and try to keep the spark alive, but it’s like I’m married to a roommate who’s allergic to effort.
I’ve tried being nice. I’ve suggested we work out together, offered to pay for a trainer, even just go on evening walks. She always says, “Yeah, maybe next month.” Next month never comes.
When I finally told her I miss the woman I married, she flipped it on me, saying I only care about her looks. No. I care about the fact that she’s given up. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not one person coasting while the other keeps putting in the work.
So yeah maybe I am less attracted to her now. And maybe I’m tired of pretending that’s not the case. But why is that such a crime to admit?
If being honest about losing attraction makes me “the bad guy,” then maybe marriage really is just a trap where you’re not allowed to have standards anymore.