I 34f have been in my first serious adult relationship with my 39m partner for off and on, just under a year. He had previously been in a 12 year relationship with his teen son’s mom and I’ve just more or less had casual flings that didn’t last long.
I ask if and how you can overcome resentments that have been building up? I think part of the reason why we have so many disagreements and fights now for the past few months is for me, I’m building up resentment against him and I know it shouldn’t be like that. When things are good between us, we’re relaxed and happy but any little thing real or perceived can set either of us off. I think there’s a lot of mistrust on both of our sides.
But also, my heart has broken multiple times by the way he treats me when he’s mad, he’s reactive and he sometimes yells and says mean things. He doesn’t comfort me when I cry, he told me during our last big fight that his ex gf/bm is the love of his life and everything he has is for her, he shrugs me off when I bring things to attention that he says or does. I feel I can’t even talk to him about things bc he sees it as arguing. He always says I deflect, blame shift, don’t take accountability or just shrugs off my concern and he also breaks up with me everytime we have a fight.
I know to all of you, you’d say the relationship isn’t salvageable but I’d really like to try and get past the things he’s said to me when mad and try to get him to understand that I just want to be heard and acknowledged. There’s still some good stuff between us and that makes it hard for me to let go.
TLDR: How can you overcome resentments that have been building up from a partner who is dismissive and reactive?
Please just give advice on how to overcome resentments and let them go. TYIA!