For 11 years, I’ve been dating without finding anything real. At 38, I no longer know what a healthy relationship is supposed to feel like.
Men say they want a successful woman. I became one. I’m financially stable. I cook, I clean, I’m emotionally mature. And yet — the only men I seem to attract are the ones looking for a good time, not a stable future.
I thought maybe I was asking too much. When I needed help with home repairs or my car, I asked. That made me “too needy.” So I stopped. Now I hire a handyman or fix things myself. I have roadside assistance for breakdowns. I don’t depend on anyone.
And still — no commitment.
I’ve shrunk myself over the years. I’ve trained myself not to feel too much, not to be “dramatic,” not to want too much. I don’t push for relationships. I’m patient. I let men take the lead. Sometimes I’m quiet, sometimes I speak up — and it’s always a rollercoaster that leaves me drained.
Dating feels like a constant test I’m set up to fail. I want to know: what do men actually want today? Because if it’s not stability, loyalty, and partnership — then what’s left?
I’m emotionally tired. If nothing changes, I’ll be fine being the woman who lives alone… with a cat, a dog, and a parakeet. At least they’ll be happy to see me come home.