I was at a cafe today and saw a man that I recognized from yesterday. I noticed yesterday he was giving me looks when he thought I didn’t see.

Today he was buying his coffee and I sat near the register. He was trying to make eye contact. I looked at him but shyly looked away when we made eye contact. Then I looked again but looked away again when we made eye contact. I think he was trying to give me a smile.

He sat down farer away and I felt more comfortable making eye contact because of the distans. So I looked at him, made eye contact and gave him a warm smile that lingered a little. He looked happy and smiled back. Then I started to read my book again.

I feel that my shyness got in the way and that I screwed up. I am a little shy when it comes to eye contact with strange men and also I am a little cautious because I don’t know them and want to get a feeling of them first (don’t always dare to flirt right or the bat).

Do you men think he understood I was just shy and cautious at first? Or did I screw this up? What impression do you think he got?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

I know I can approach a man so you don’t have to give me that advice 😛

UPDATE: Thank you all for your replies! I copy pasted and asked perplexity. This is the answer 😂

Your interaction with the man at the cafe sounds like a natural and relatable experience. Many men would likely interpret your initial shy and cautious behavior as typical and understandable, especially since you eventually made warm eye contact and smiled back. This kind of gradual engagement often signals interest mixed with a healthy level of caution, which is very common when people don’t know each other well. From his perspective, your shy glances followed by a lingering warm smile likely communicated that you were open but taking your time to feel comfortable. Most men would appreciate the subtlety and sensitivity you showed—it’s unlikely he felt you “screwed up.” Instead, he probably saw genuine interest without pressure, which can be very appealing. In summary, your shyness probably came across as endearing and normal, not a mistake. You gave positive signals at a pace that felt right for you, and that’s what matters most in these kinds of social moments. So, no worries—you handled it well, and the impression was likely positive and encouraging.


19 comments

  2. He probably thought you were looking at your environment and interested in your book, not him.

  3. Just about anything you described here could also apply to him. That he’s shy, cautious and all that.

    So, were you expecting him to approach you?

  4. I would see that as an invitation to approach. Would most men? And how many would have the balls to do it? Who knows?

  6. There are a vast number of things that could be going on with him.. he might be in a relationship, could be shy , could simply be waiting for you to approach him … if you see him again offer to buy his coffee !

  7. The issue is we’re not mind readers. I notice eye contact and smiles every time I go out.

    I ignore it. And I only assume interest when it’s explicitly stated. Eg. This girl approached me and said she likes my jumper. I assumed she liked my jumper and not me. Why? Because while many girls say men can’t notice signals, the media particularly crucifies men assuming interest from a smile or a “Nice jumper” comment.

  8. You are reading way more into this than your book.

    Maybe there is something there, maybe not. But I think it’s expecting a lot to assume he was able to discern “shy and cautious at first”…

  9. Especially as an autistic guy, I would have assumed I made you uncomfortable and then felt bad

  10. Penthouse Forum has fallen off.
    But yes, he probably could tell you’re interested but was waiting for you to strike.

  11. I went to a talk on intimacy. I saw a woman in the parking lot, she looked at me, and I just noticed this, and didn’t look back. Later on during the meeting, the leader had us break up in to groups, and we were supposed to share some fear. This woman was in my group. I shared that I felt shy around people, and that this shut down contact. After the group session, she came to me, and we talked. She told me she had seen my in the parking lot, and thought I was cold because of my reaction, but after the group break-out, she realized I was just shy at that moment.

  12. I don’t know what you are asking? What are you wanting him to understand? Im not sure how he is supposed to understand anything from eye contact.
    If a woman made eye contact with me it just says we looked at each other at the same time. A smile is probably just amusement about the same thing. Eye contact isn’t communication.

  14. If the human race relied on us women to approach we would have died out long ago lol.

  15. I hope he took the courage to say hi and make some small talk then get your contact info! I would think all men would take it as a sign.

  16. I feel like if he wanted to approach he would’ve did it. I approach women without even looking for signals I just put myself in their vicinity for a couple minutes so they know what they’re getting and than when I get them where it’s approachable I speak my voice

  17. He probably just thought you were being cute and a little mysterious. Most guys will read that lingering smile as interest, not rejection, so you’re fine

  18. Sorry but people are not obliged to pick up on smoke signals and batting your eyelashes in Morse code. You expected him to act as a response to you not acting.

    If you wanted to connect with him, you should have approached him and interacted with him. I know that’s difficult, but it’s extremely unfair for you to expect him to do the same based on vague, unclear, and minimal efforts on your end.

    You didn’t even talk to him, all you did was look at him and somehow expect that to result in him approaching you.

    Build up the courage to actually talk to him next time.

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