Just a rant, I’m single, conventionally attractive, and my drive is above average. I feel like that makes dating even worse for me because guys either assume I’m just looking for hookups when I’m clear on my dating profiles that I don’t do hookups or ONS, or they think I’m “too much” just because I don’t fit the stereotype of a girl with a lower drive.
It’s not about being desperate or not having standards. I just wish there was more space in the dating world for women like me who are unapologetically sexual without being reduced to a caricature or fetish. Apps make this even worse because of ghosting and men only wanting to engage in endless small talk. If I do get to the point of discussing sex with them, it seems to be the only thing they focus on (and a lot of guys are terrible in bed so you spend a lot of time talking to and getting to know someone only to be let down if it finally does happen).
19 comments
It’s rather unfortunate but it is apparently a problem on both sides.
What you mean by high drive?
What advice do you have for men to not be terrible in bed since that has been your experience?
Nothing to contribute other than, “same girl same”.
I think you gotta find the right person. That’ll match your energy without making you feel weird.. there’s dudes out there that will
This is interesting, because as a guy, I would be very very turned off if sex came up in a chat during the talking stage of a relationship. I take relationships slowly and seriously, and if someone is throwing out that kind of talk early on, I just make the assumption that we really aren’t on the same level and don’t really want the same things. It’s not to be offensive or anything, but I just don’t really feel comfortable.
I think the issue here is that your high drive is appealing to those who want casual sex and seek it out. I know you stated that this is not something you engage in (which is great), but I do think that dropping hints about it early on doesn’t do enough to repel those who aren’t serious.
This is so relatable. I’m a 47 yo and the amount of times I take care of business alone is ridiculous.
I feel this hard. It’s like you kind of want to bring it up at some point because you want to maybe get a feel for if you’re compatible in that respect, but many men will take whatever hint you give and run with it. Also, while they tend to be excited in the short term, I’ve met very few men who can actually keep up with me & that’s not a brag, it’s like, kind of annoying lmao. They think it sounds like a dream to have a girl who’s always dtf, but then they get you & have absolutely no idea what to do with you.
It really sucks knowing I have a lot to offer, and nobody to offer it to
If only those of us with high drives could meet in the wild instead of having to complain about it online or lurk about in darkly lit and excessively loud rooms. It’s just frustration on top of frustration. Go fish
well, my ex & i had sex on our first date. we did talk quite a bit beforehand but i don’t think we talked about sex often, if at all. that relationship lasted almost two years. however, if she had brought up sex in conversation before we met, it would have definitely changed my perspective on what she may have been looking for. i wouldn’t have changed my pursuit of having something serious with her but it would have at least given me pause and i would also have been somewhat hesitant going forward.
After certain inflection point, the life’s responsibilities dictate the tasks. That is when trouble begins, usually
If there were an app, how would you have it handle your type of personality?
I think it depends on your city as well. Where I live, people are more sex-positive and understanding in this space. However, it can be hard for people to be direct with what they want/ need or actually have curiosity. Curiosity is one of the keys to the longevity of connections. Without curiosity, it all fades.
Same girl! idk why I’m always so horny. My current fwb isn’t going more than once a week. I miss going rounds, going to need to find me someone that knows what to do with me 🤣🥲
100% i feel exactly the same, especially how if you are comfortable talking about sex, thats then the only thing they want to talk about and reduce you to just a sexual person rather than a complete person who likes sex
Gotta find myself someone like that
If you’re close enough, and if you can talk about it with your guy friends, why not approach the topic with “your best guy friend” and make that into a relationship? Especially if you already have the emotional connection required, I’m sure that would make the sex, and more importantly the relationship, more meaningful.
Just trying to match like for like but…
If you have an OLD profile, is there any hint towards this tendency?*
What are you looking for that might help one stand out while not being overly sexual?
…asking for a friend. 🫠
*This is just an ernest ask, not rhetorical.