Throw away post, here’s to hoping he doesnt see this and connect some dots. Its long, sorry.
I (24F) and my bf (23M) are growing apart. He’s in the military, we met a month before he left. We felt something special immediately and decided to give it a shot. We’ve been on and off the three years we’ve known each other (him breaking up with me twice). First time was after bootcamp, he wanted to be alone. Second time was during deployment (very difficult for him and was active combat, he has mild PTSD). During the few months we were broken up during deployment and no contact, he slept with someone else. While i accept we werent together, it definitely still hurt when he told me. We’ve mostly moved past it. Ive always been insecure so the thought of another woman isnt something i ever really will forget i think.
Since December, we’ve been very much together and in love. Promise ring and all. However he is now on the other side of the planet from me, and the time difference is taking a toll. I love him, and prior to this he’s been something out of my dreams. I have a narcissistic family, and he’s handled a lot of the habits and behaviors I’ve developed as a result with grace. His family is difficult as well, and he’s often reaffirmed that Ive been conducive to him moving forward and growing from it. Overall, while things haven’t been perfect the whole time, we’ve been through a lot together and had goals that would be for both of us. Lately though, he feels even more detached, cold, and irritable than when he broke up with me on deployment. Ive begun to feel like im walking on eggshells. His brutal honesty, a blessing and a curse, brought a conversation earlier today about us breaking up. That he doesnt like long distance, and while he does love me, its too much for him. What additionally adds pressure is I have plans to enlist next year. Part of the longterm plan was for us to combine our benefits and really have a good life to grow old.
I dont doubt for a second he’s struggling. I made it clear that I understand how he feels, and I was open to whatever he needed from me to feel better. I feel selfish for wanting tk stay together if he’s so miserable. We both have difficult demanding jobs, im in the veterinary field so I also deal with burnout. We disagree politically (im left wing and he’s right wing), but its something we’ve mostly learned to discuss respectfully. While we have things we arent on the same page on, we always manage to work it out and come together as a couple. I used to feel like he’s the love of my life, now its like Im seeing him become my dad in the worst ways. Whenever i try approaching this topic, he gets frustrated and the conversation accelerates towards breaking up, so ill pull back and we hit the brakes before anything happens. There’s more context I can give but i think you get the gist.
Not connecting with him, him being impatient, and overall not recognizing the man I love has been depressing and hurtful. I know he’s busy and I can vouch he has weight on his shoulders, but it doesnt feel right or fair that he gets to act like this. I dont wanna be without him. He is normally a massive inspiration to me and someone I absolutely adore. He normally treats me with such care and affection, and him not doing that is like a slap in the face. Idk what to do anymore, idk if i should walk away before we spiral to hating each other, or stick this out. He made promises about marrying me one month, only to change his mind the next. I know he can only do so much but i want to feel the love I have for him, for me. Id wait a thousand years and more. Id give parts of myself for him without hesitation. I planned to have children and grow old with him, dreamed of it even. What do I do?
TL;DR my bf and i are growing apart and i don’t recognize the man i love. Dont wanna leave him, but cant handle who he’s become.