Hey, just wanted to check in if any of your partners are avoidant and if yes how do you navigate the communication when they pull away?
Me and my gf had a bit intense talk last night and i ended up owning up to my part and apologizing and offering compromises. Before i apologized properly she expressed to suddenly feel anxious so im sure she now associates that feeling w me, but after i came around she said she thanked me and said she is happy i recognized it.
Last night i had a huge new shift in finally understanding my wrong and how to make her feel more seen. So i took it as a great sign for us to slowly rebuild closeness thats been missing this week.
She has charli xcx concert today and she has not talked to me at all today. It has looked like this:
Me: good morning!
Me: i enrolled in one harvard course very excited.
Me: im also sooo excited for you to see charli tonight. try making a viral tiktok ahah
Her: good morning! Me tooo
Her: omg cool
Me: enjoy your concert! Let me know if you will be the apple girl (not opened)
Her: (photo of herself at the festival)
Me: i see weather is good afterall yey. and sun looks good on you
Thats it. No reaction and hasnt opened my messages. She sent me three snaps that i know she sent to all of her friends. The one with her outfit i did say how gorgeous she looks but i didnt answer to the rest (she also leaves me on read on snap).
Recently she told me she is an avoidant and if i chase it will make it only worse. So now im just trying to give her all her space, not send anything and only engage if she engages first not to pressure her.
I really dont know what to send her tonight for good night… and also tomorrow morning… i dont want to make her pull away but i also dont want to have no contact completely. Any recommendations how to approach this?
(Apparently lately gn and gm messges also gives her pressure)
1 comment
As someone who has dated an ‘avoidant’, be careful. They often hide this term to explain their lack of effort in a relationship. If you’re unhappy with the amount of attention she’s giving you, tell her, because if she does have an avoidant attachment style, she most likely will lack the discernment entirely to see how it affects you.
You obviously love her, but she’s a grown woman leaving her boyfriend on delivered / read, please understand it is not hard to get reciprocal attention from someone who actually gives a damn. If she is 23 and still hasn’t had the life lesson that being ‘avoidant’ isn’t an excuse, and you need to actively fight and work, and understand your partner each and every day. Don’t let her get comfortable with walking over you man, once you do you can’t stop that train.
I’m only being brutally honest because you guys aren’t kids anymore, she’s an adult, and it sounds like she lacks very basic communication skills. Have a conversation with her about how it’s affecting you, her avoidant behaviours. If she apologises and wants to work on it, that’s a green flag. If she dismisses it, flips it on you, or truly doesn’t understand what she’s done wrong, that’s a very bright red flag my friend.
Trust me when I say there are women out there who can’t breathe properly if they know they’ve even come close to hurting you or not treating you like the man you are. Choose wisely, but also fast, years can go by quick in your 20’s man, you want to spend it with the right person. How do you know if she is? Ask yourself if you’re truly happy with the love she is giving you, and you wouldn’t change a thing. Or, are you hung up on the potential you have fabricated for this girl because you love her so much?