Hi, I am almost mid 30s. I am unsure if I am depressed, burned out or lazy. . Without wanting to disclose to much about myself, I work in the emergency services in the western side of the world.
Lately I just feel very 'meh' in life, the smallest thing seems like a huge effort.
Working in the emergency services I work in shifts and lately I am sleeping in a lot more than normal, I am skipping breakfast just to get extra sleep because I am tired.
Going home after work just seems so much effort, even though it takes me under 1 hour to go home. Speaking to my wife seems like effort, spending time with my wife seems like effort. Lately I have even tried to stop going upstairs to speak to her as I know she will start talking. I do love my wife to bits, I just don't know what is wrong with me. I am the problem.
Going to work seems like effort. I have not been to the gym in a week as that seems like effort and i am tired.
My wife wants us to go on holiday, but the thought of that I just cannot muster any energy for.
In an ideal world – I would love to just take a week off and just brain rot away online, but that is not an issue.
I do have a lot going on for me at home and work. I at times now am getting light headed a lot more, but i put that down as not drinking enough water.
So I am unsure if I am depressed, burned out or lazy?
10 comments
Burned out
That’s what feels “kazy”, body tells you to go to energy preserve mode, you should listen to it and let your wife know you need to figure this out on your own terms.
For me it was I couldn’t even hear about stressful political stuff like Gaza in the depths of my burnout. No additional negative emotions allowed until I healed up. I am in the middle of it so can’t offer much more in that regard.
She just needs to know and understand you need special care for a while so you can prevent a real burnout.
Your not lazy. Rule that one out. When I get burned-out or exhausted (I used to work in an ER) i didn’t feel like doing anything.
You need a break and some rest or a change
You sound like a EMT/paramedic or a fire fighter lol. It’s a shot in the dark but i used to be a fire fighter and also worked in the emergency room as a tech. Most of my closest friends sound just like you.
You’re not lazy. Depressed, burned out? Yeah sounds like it. Besides the normal Reddit advice of therapy (which is good and you should try), you probably need a good transparent talk with your wife, a prolonged vacation, and some time to just be yourself and see what makes you happy.
And if you work any of the jobs I guessed before, you’re probably stubborn as fuck… but it’s okay to decide the job sucks ass and doesn’t pay enough for all the emotional energy it takes. You’ll probably find something that pays nearly twice as much for half the work. and you can always volunteer or do casual if you’ll feel bad.
Take care of yourself and best wishes.
I work in critical care on the western side of the world and also in shifts. I don’t know if you flip flop nights and days but I know I start to feel like that when I start to get a pseudo seasonal affective disorder brought on by night/day switches.
Go and get your testosterone checked. Also double check your diet, and try to exercise anyways.
Well, rule of thumb is to assume you are lazy, working on yourself with dedication, and if that doesnt work out over a longer period of time, then move to exploring those worse options.
Note: I do not think it is your case, but it is generally good to apply pretty much for everyone who is struggling.
Sorry, woman commenting 😬. As a woman, please be transparent with your wife like another commenter said. She is definitely picking up on it and she may feel like she is doing something to cause it/it’s her fault.
On another note: I’m experiencing the same things – I wouldn’t call myself lazy, but depression/burn out is definitely something I’m going through right now. I just got off the phone with my mom and said “living is exhausting”. I’m not going to do anything to hurt myself, but that’s just truly how I feel right now. Stuck in a rut. Working (customer service industry and I hate my job), coming home to cook for myself or my dog, do yoga (forcing myself to do that and it helps, although I’d like to sit on the sofa and do nothing). Repeat the next day. I have no advice other than the wife part. Just sharing so that you know you’re not alone 💛
Jobs that are serving the most at risk have a time limit for how long you can do them. Ask any cancer social worker.
You have done your service and we are grateful for all that you have done to help people.
It is now time to focus on your needs, and your family’s needs by finding a job that is not so emotionally draining.
You will feel so much better, and your life will improve.
You need to take some personal time by yourself to recharge your battery.
I had this exact feeling. I’m working on it with my doctors but one thing I know is it’s likely “all connected.” Burnout has a lot of overlapping symptoms with depression.
Do you have anhedonia? Is it hard for you to find joy in things you like doing? Does sex also feel like too much work? Not wanting to go and talk to the family could be anhedonia, or it could be actual exhaustion.
You need time off to feel some things outside of the lifestyle you are engaged in that got you to this point. I’m on FMLA leave for a similar reason right now. I’m going to a urologist and looking into testosterone and have been doing TMS treatments for depression/anxiety. I originally went out of work because I had a staph infection, and once I was out I realized how wrong everything was and how burnt out and depressed I was.
Talk to your wife. Try to seek out a therapist. Schedule an appointment with a urologist to check on testosterone. Take time off work to smell the roses.