My (24F) girlfriend just broke up with me (23M) because I’m “too basic,” and I still don’t know how to process that. We were hanging out at her place, just a normal night,takeout, Netflix, the usual, and she got really quiet halfway through the movie. I asked if something was wrong, and she paused it, looked at me, and said, “You’re nice… but you’re just kind of… plain.”
At first I thought she was joking, so I laughed it off, but she kept going. She said she wanted “more depth,” someone “more exciting,” that she felt like we’d run out of things to talk about. She even said she felt like she already knew everything about me, and not in a sweet, romantic way, more like she was bored. I didn’t even know how to respond, so I just sat there nodding while feeling like my stomach dropped. Then, without saying anything she just left.
The thing is, I’ve always struggled with believing anyone could really love me. I’ve never been the life of the party, never had that magnetic personality some guys seem to be born with. Every time a girl showed interest, I half expected it to be a joke or for her to lose interest after a few weeks. This relationship was the first time I let myself believe maybe I was wrong.
Now it feels like she confirmed every insecurity I’ve had since high school, that girls these days wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about me unless I was someone cooler, richer, or more exciting. I don’t even know where to start in terms of “not being basic” without feeling fake. how do I stop feeling like I’m not enough? How do I date without being terrified of getting cheated on or dumped for being boring? And how do you even “not be basic” without pretending to be someone you’re not?
How can I actually work on myself without turning into someone I’m not, and find a way to believe I’m worth loving?