Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice. For context, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. I was a total virgin before we met. He lost his virginity last year while on vacation to a random woman from tinder. Totally fine, that was before us.
The issue is that last night I had a weird feeling, so I checked his phone. He is still in contact with this woman and has been messaging her on and off again on WhatsApp. He randomly messaged her in March. They had a long convo that night… he calls her beautiful and even asks for pictures of her.
Next convo is in May where he calls her “the sexiest woman alive” and asks to FACETIME. I don’t think these calls happened though.
Is this even considered cheating? Or is he still just emotionally attached to the woman he lost his virginity to?? I’ve been up all night thinking about this. I don’t know how to feel or what to do.


18 comments

  2. Yes, it’s emotional cheating. Calling her the sexiest woman alive, asking for pics, and trying to FaceTime is crossing the line. If he’s hiding it, he knows it’s wrong.

  3. One test is whether your partner is comfortable with the conversation and definitely whether he resorts to concealment, lying, deflection.

  7. Cheating is whatever an individual couple deems to be. That being said, you don’t deserve to be treated this way, don’t deserve to be with someone you need to check their phone. Listen to us older women and get out while you can.

  9. the semantics of cheating don’t even matter here. how do you feel about having a monogamous relationship with someone who openly states another woman he’s had sex with is the sexiest woman alive? if it makes you want to puke then get out.

  11. It’s cheating. He’s gonna tell you it’s not cheating cuz he didn’t have sex with her again. But as someone who’s been cheated on, I swear it hurts less if it’s a random from a club cuz he’s an insecure prick than seeing him say all these things to someone else. This hurts more. I’m sure you think that you guys have a special connection & you’re afraid you might never feel this way for someone else but you should leave. Looking in his phone was your first sign that you don’t trust him. & something I learned when I was young, they don’t get better. They just hide it better. Which is gonna drive you more crazy cuz he’ll start erasing the messages. When you feel like you aren’t sure if something is going on or you don’t trust them communicate it & if it doesn’t change, leave girl. & honestly you might not ever feel exactly the way you do now for someone else but I promise you will love someone else & it will be better than this. You just have to let go of this.

  12. Oh boy, I’m sorry but that guy doesn’t deserve you. Why the fuck are people so full of lust. He shouldn’t be thinking about her when he’s in a relationship with you. Just dump him, you deserve someone far better even if it means being alone for a little while.

  13. It’s 2025 so the 2 of you have to sit down and talk about:

    1. Wherever you are, exclusive. And until both parties have explicitly and unequivocably and enthusiastically agreed to be exclusive, assue you are not. Exclusivity is never unilaterally decided and never implied. Sorry.
    2. During the same conversation, agree on what is considered sex, and what activites are considered “cheating”.

    Until you have done 1 and 2 above… you’re opening yourself to disappointments.

  14. If he’s hiding it from you, then he has ill intentions and knows its wrong. Get rid of him before it gets worse

  17. Yeah. Cheating. Or at least he’s opening the door to cheating. Some conversations should not be had and some people should not keep in contact when you’re in a relationship. This violates both of those.

  18. You don’t need a reason to break up with him. The wind could blow and you could decide you don’t want to be with him. Just walk away now. Just tell him it’s over. You don’t have to justify your decision.

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