We met at work. I’d been there for years while he joined later. Despite his flirty reputation, we started dating in secret due to workplace rules. I wanted to wait until our contracts ended, but he pushed, and I agreed.
We were long-distance for months. Early on, I learned he was still with another girl when we met. She was also cheating on her boyfriend. He claimed it was over. I overlooked other lies, focusing on my job and protecting us.
Later, coworkers said he’d been drinking heavily and bragged about having two girlfriends. I discovered he’d told a female coworker, who was someone I suspected he liked, about us, bragged about taking my virginity, and complained about me. Word spread. I lost my job and dignity. We still tried, but eventually broke up.
I moved abroad to heal. Five months later, he emailed saying he still loved me. We met, I believed we’d both grown, and we reconciled. Weeks in, I found out he’d contacted at least one of the multiple hookups from our breakup period. Then he asked what to do about another coworker hookup who wanted to keep seeing him. When I asked about another girl, he repeatedly denied messaging her.
Still, I stayed. He began calling more and communicating better, but my anxiety persisted, especially when he wasn’t sober. He said he lied because I’d overreact or leave. Later, while high, he admitted it wasn’t fair to blame me and confessed to drinking in bars with other women. I ended things, then took him back days later.
Another fight happened. He suggested a day or two apart. I took 13 days. My visa was expiring, my housing was uncertain, and I felt unsafe with him again. When I explained I’d needed time to breathe, he called it an excuse and said I didn’t really want him. I told him I stayed until I emotionally and physically couldn’t. To him, my absence meant I’d ghosted him and our plans.
He refused to take me back. After everything… his betrayals, the loss of my job, moving abroad, rebuilding trust… he decided I wasn’t worth trusting.
TL;DR:
Over two years, I stayed with someone who lied, cheated, bragged about my virginity to coworkers, and cost me my job. We broke up, reunited, and he repeated old patterns. I tried to trust again, but when I took 13 days to think, amid visa stress, he said I’d ghosted him and said he could not trust me anymore.