Do women actually prefer men who work themselves to death?

27 comments

1. No that’s very desirable. Women just value financial stability. Sounds like you are doing great! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

2. If your time is what you value most then why bother trying to appeal to people you are likely incompatible with. Find someone who respects, values and complements your life.

3. Depends on what you mean by ‘traditional marriage’. If it means that you want a wife who either doesn’t work or whose career is deprioritised in favour of yours then yes, you need to work much harder than men who support their wife’s career equally to their own.

   Anyway, when you mentioned a traditional marriage that was my first thought. If that’s not what you meant then my opinion would change.

4. Hi there. You sound like my dad.

   There’s absolutely no shame in it, and the big difference is recognizing WHEN you need to bust ass and sacrifice vs just ALWAYS doing it.

   You’ve learned it earlier than my dad did.

   Women want love, respect and SECURITY. They may see your version of balance right now at odds with your age, their own career ambitions, and your future direction. They want someone who is capable of matching their own drives, ambitions and visions of a future.

   You don’t have to own your own business. You don’t have to be macho macho man.

   You’ve just not found the person who has values that align with yours.

5. Nah you’re doing good man, I’m the same. Go for living your life. Women who want to depend on a man financially can’t even provide for themselves, how sad is that. If they want more, they should work for it.

   However on a side note, I do think having purpose is good. Not just carreer wise, but in general. Getting children, making dream trips, buying a house, achieving something with hobbies,…

6. Not at all! Sounds ideal. I’ve seen a bit of life at both extremes and what I learned is that financial security is invaluable for a happy life, but beyond that the most important thing money can buy you is free time. 

   I’ve no shame in saying that beyond a certain point in my own career development I only ever wanted to earn more to work less. I’m not bothered about having the latest car or the fanciest house if it means I can be without big debts and spend more time with the people and things I love. I’ve never had cause to regret it. 

   I don’t think that’s particularly unusual, either.

   We’re bombarded with more and more covert advertising these days I reckon, in the form of sponsored aspirational ‘content’.

   It sort of convinces us that everybody is chasing the high life, but I don’t think that’s really true, most people have quite realistic priorities

7. It is not that. It is about what kind of quality of life they want or expect. If they are living in a bad neighbourhood because they don’t have enough money to move for example. Or if they have to work too and provide while also taking care of household kids etc it is not appealing

8. For sure there are women who prefer men pursuing a career and making more and more money. But it is not your job to care about some women’s preferences. You have the job you love – a very admirable one btw. – and you earn the money to live your lifestyle. Any women calling that “lazy” or “lacking ambitions” does not deserve your affection.

   I am in a similar situation. I have a job that I really love doing. Any career step might make me more money but also make me do work that I don’t like to do. In my experience, good women actually like that. It offers stability, room for family activities. Why would that not be desirable. You live the lifestyle you want and if she wishes for a more expensive lifestyle, she should look for someone who has a similar wish. It’s not you and it’s not your job to accommodate her wish.

   Personally I would be very suspicious if a women I am dating were to call me “lazy” even though I have a stable income high enough for the lifestyle I want. Maybe she wants me out of the house working as much as possible, so that she can be the master of the house and the kids.

9. Im big on fuck the machine. I make money so I can go out and live my life to the fullest.

   Many people who work constantly never travel, or vacation. Life is meant to be lived slow and easy.

10. Some women are very interested in men that work themselves to death, some are not. My hot take: Most normal women don’t care. So you’re totally fine.

    Career-driven women might be more into guys that build there whole life around work, because those women do as well. A traditional marriage is therefore harder to realizie with a career-ambitious woman (unless you want to be a stay at home dad – but this might be hard to keep the attraction high if she’s into career guys). Unfortunatelly, our working culture still insists that at least one person in the relationship steps back in his / her career.

    Another type of women that’s mainly aiming for ambitious and career-driven guys are women that seek some sort of financial stability they cannot or don’t want to create by themselves. So they want a guy that fully provides for them. A lot of man are completely fine with this type of relationship.

    I recommend to just go for a different type of women who don’t care that much about it.

11. I would prefer a man who thought like that. My late husband never spent any time at all with me and our children unless it was to either go visit his family or if I was working and he had the kids, but even on those days he quite often had his dad round so he wasn’t on his own with them all the time. I would love a man to want to be involved with us and spend time with us even if it’s just something as simple as going for a walk together.

12. I wouldn’t want someone to work themselves to death. I would hope that they knew their limits physically, and were still able to retire at a nice age with the career they have chosen.
    You dream of a traditional marriage but will your chosen career be able to support your person to stay home? For your kids to have all their needs and some wants like joining sports or ballet? For your wife to have all her needs? To actually have time to be off and spend with your family is not working yourself to death but I do want exactly what you described!

    Slow quiet mornings, dinners with family, weekend get to gethers with friends, etc ahhhh such a perfect life.

    This morning I woke up before my kids, got a work out in, and going to be starting bacon, fruit salad and homemade cinnamon rolls soon since my kids will all be awake around 7. It’s quiet, I drank my coffee on the patio, though I long for a nice porch and view again.. I put on some low calming music that my kids will wake up to tell me how much they love me and we will do some yoga/morning stretches while food finishes baking. We’ll probably play some board games, or even play video games or watch a movie together after breakfast and snuggle since it’s Sunday. Usually we go on a morning walk to bird and bug watch before starting homeschooling. At 11 we’ll head over to the pool with snacks drinks and packed lunch. I’ll invite the neighborhood kids whose parents will probably just let them walk over to join us. Well stay there until it’s time to go usually 3ish, then come back for some individual time (family of social introverts lol we love to hang out but for sure need to decompress after with solitude) before I start cooking dinner at 4. Dinner is served at 5 after the older kids set the table for me.
    After dinner we tend to watch a movie, play games or just sit and chill before I start bedtime duty. All kids asleep by 8 usually 730 in bedrooms relaxing, and the rest of the night for adult time! It’s a lovely life I think.

13. Unfortunately, a lot of women want their men to work themselves to death, so they can sit at home enjoying the fruits of your labor while they bring nothing to the table themselves. Because well, you’re the man.

14. I value financial stability in men, but most of all recourcefulness and street smarts. My fiancé is an elevator mechanic – I earn more than him, but I highly appreciate that he is an all-around handyman, a good cook and a physically fit man – that’s what matters more to me than just some numbers in a bank account.

15. To death? No. I’d want my partner to come home at the end of the day. 😂

    To play the devils advocate here, I’m sure you know whatever life style you choose will cost money, so depending on the life style and the life style of the partner you have, are you prepared to work for that? Do you know what you’re looking for in a partner to have the family life that you wish for but also can afford to support?

    You can have work life balance but you have to find work that respects that and a lot of places still don’t unfortunately. You can definitely achieve your dreams, and someone is for sure out there for you, but the state of the economy atm seems to be a big obstacle rn. 🙁

16. You’re going on dates with the wrong women

17. Balance is all you need. I’ve dated guys who worked too.little.and WERE.lazy/unmotivated, and most recently I’ve dated a man who works too much.

    I don’t know why equal.balance is so hard to find. A guy with a good work life balance like me.

18. Dude, I think you’re chasing the wrong women

19. You need to find women who aren’t transactional:- who aren’t motivated by money and value what you value. I know a guy with similar skills and goals to you who vowed to only work 4 days a week while his kids were young. He did exactly that. Ended up as a solo dad and full time cared for his 3 kids- built a yacht while the kids were at school. Built his own home and has a beautiful garden.
    So choose to date women who like gardening, kids and building a home, who aren’t seeking a driven guy who has an office at the top of a building.
    Join groups of people who share your values : permaculture or earth building, as examples. You’re far more likely to find a compatible woman in those circles than on a dating app.

20. My visual experience is someone who is honest and hardwork isn’t respected or accepted by someone good or nice most of the time ..I am sorry to hurt your feelings but that’s the truth I realised in my life

21. IMO you are comingling 2 things:

    1. Working the long hours
    2. Being seen as “lazy” or “lacking ambitious” because you’re not chasing every opportunity to make more money.

    The first one is weird, and if someone wants their partner to work long hours I would want to know what the ideal working schedule of this partner:

    * would they themselves expect to put 50, 60 or more hours per week at their job?
    * ir would they want to be SAHM?

    I can see the former, and it’s a character trait; up to you OP if that is someone you want. If it’s the latter, then.. IMO it’s a huge red flag.

    As far as #2, again, what are **they** bringing to the table? Are they career women making a lot of money and looking for a financially equal partner? Or do they want a well-off financially viable partner, who won’t be around much, white they are WAHM?

    Personally I was always a career-oriented person, so I sought jobs that paid the most, and those oftern require crazy schedule. At one point I worked for a startup where, I kid you not, I put 80 ton 100 hours/week (insane). And I have always been attracted to career women who too put good amount of hours.

    I am happily married to a great woman with a great career, we make good money, but now that we are older and well established in our career we have ample times to relax and enjoy. At the same time our #1 priority was always to spend and much time together and do things together.

    Good luck out there.

22. Women irl have called you lazy and lacking ambition when you have a full-time job? I doubt it. This post reads as pity fanfic because you’ve been consuming too much media on a specific algorithm.

    Yes, there are women who are family-oriented. Of course there are.

    Just note if you want a “traditional marriage” then if she can’t work you’ll have to provide for multiple people on your salary. People in general won’t choose to struggle if they don’t have to. If you’re approaching a woman with a career who can afford a comfortable lifestyle (she isn’t living paycheck to paycheck) then she’s not going to put herself in a position of financial stress. You don’t have to be a millionaire, but you’re not going to attract women if her future entails washing reusable cloth diapers and supplementing meals at the food bank.

    But if you mean “traditional marriage” as just a healthy marriage, then what you’re describing is just a regular marriage lol.

23. As a woman who declined to climb the career ladder and instead focused on family- forget those women. Most women say they want a man with ambition because they want to see you can provide financially in the long term. What they fail to see is a good family man can balance between career and family and know when to rest and recharge. You sound like a great guy. Keep looking!

24. It’s just a compatibility issue. You aren’t compatible with women who want “ambitious, driven men”. Those women want men to constantly be building a future and always be moving toward goals. There are others who would prefer the way you are.

    You aren’t wrong. The women aren’t wrong. You’re just not compatible.

25. Women are all different, with their own goals, traits, and needs. If you keep dating the “same”type of woman over and over, it might not be their problem, it could be a pattern you’re repeating. Instead of blaming them, it’s worth looking at yourself and asking why you’re drawn to that type and keep chasing the same thing. Trust me, the right person will love and accept you for who you truly are.

26. I think I could never be with someone who’s lazy. Ironically I’m the one who’s going through a lazy phase myself right now and struggling to get back on my feet. I worked my ass off for years, working over hours and spending money from my one pocket for what I love doing. I spent over 8 years in graduate school too to finish two higher degrees. It’s the reason why I appreciate hard working me and I love it. But I also see it affecting men’s perception of me as well. So I think it works both ways. For men and women.

    Having said that, when it comes to the degree of hard work, as long as it’s not something that affects you in a negative way.

    I love seeing someone I care about work hard but it also makes me worry a lot. I also feel happier seeing them relaxing and resting.

    Balance is key.

27. Move on from ANYONE who doesn’t see your value