Reading ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’ and I’ve never felt so called out.
August 10, 2025
Not sure how I feel about this in the context of my marriage and impending divorce. I do know this is part of that ‘work’ I need to put in following a divorce.
9 comments
I got a lot out of it too— especially the first half of the book. I never found a “mens group” or whatever that worked for me though. The online groups are too red-pilled and/or there’s someone trying to sell something.
I wish I stumbled on the book five years ago—unfortunately, my marriage was unsalvageable by the time I understood the damage all of my “covert contracts” and “choreplay” were making to my relationship.
It’s true that you have to look out for yourself otherwise people will come to expect and take advantage of your kindness. I have a tendency to want to please people and make them happy but have come to realize that doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone will feel compelled to do so in return at which point you have to ask yourself… why bother? I discovered my people pleasing ways have led to all kinds of issues that I am frankly just getting tired of and I have no one to blame but myself for it. Still, people can change and I have learned that I can learn to be supportive without spending more time and energy than I should.
I love the books message that holding resentment to save face is NOT nice and setting healthy limits IS nice. I had that backwards when I was young
Just downloaded on kindle
Thanks!
Impending, are u in therapy
Excellent book. I’m going to go through it again.
I think it’s a good book and advice for those who really need it or fit the archetype of the ‘nice guy’
I just couldn’t relate to the childhood stuff, so for me, it just wasn’t hitting the mark
I haven’t read the rest of this comment thread, but my buddy who read this book turned from a very affable and wonderful friend into a jackass who wanted all of his relationships to become transactional… romantic or friendly. We don’t talk anymore. I hope he feels validated by it.
I read a few pages and thought it was full of shit.
But if it helps you, then that’s what counts.
I really recommend Unfuck Yourself by Gary Bishop. It had a lot of useful information
9 comments
I got a lot out of it too— especially the first half of the book. I never found a “mens group” or whatever that worked for me though. The online groups are too red-pilled and/or there’s someone trying to sell something.
I wish I stumbled on the book five years ago—unfortunately, my marriage was unsalvageable by the time I understood the damage all of my “covert contracts” and “choreplay” were making to my relationship.
It’s true that you have to look out for yourself otherwise people will come to expect and take advantage of your kindness. I have a tendency to want to please people and make them happy but have come to realize that doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone will feel compelled to do so in return at which point you have to ask yourself… why bother? I discovered my people pleasing ways have led to all kinds of issues that I am frankly just getting tired of and I have no one to blame but myself for it. Still, people can change and I have learned that I can learn to be supportive without spending more time and energy than I should.
I love the books message that holding resentment to save face is NOT nice and setting healthy limits IS nice. I had that backwards when I was young
Just downloaded on kindle
Thanks!
Impending, are u in therapy
Excellent book. I’m going to go through it again.
I think it’s a good book and advice for those who really need it or fit the archetype of the ‘nice guy’
I just couldn’t relate to the childhood stuff, so for me, it just wasn’t hitting the mark
I haven’t read the rest of this comment thread, but my buddy who read this book turned from a very affable and wonderful friend into a jackass who wanted all of his relationships to become transactional… romantic or friendly. We don’t talk anymore. I hope he feels validated by it.
I read a few pages and thought it was full of shit.
But if it helps you, then that’s what counts.
I really recommend Unfuck Yourself by Gary Bishop. It had a lot of useful information