It’s seems like both genders have their group of people who are loud about choosing to be single.
It always goes like this
“<gender> are now choosing to be single these because <other gender> are just low quality, no longer proper men or women anymore, other gender are turn offs or icky, etc etc”.
Like both genders are keen on showing off that they don’t need the other and are happily staying single.
But truth be told in both side I can’t help but feel they’re just trying to convince themselves they’re perfectly fine being single and are happy and at peace.
I don’t doubt that’s true for plenty of people but like I said often there’s a tone of bitterness or resentment in the way other people say it.
So realistically, which gender actually means it? Both? One or the other? Neither?
27 comments
Fuck mate, there’s at least 7
I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life.
A lot. Especially if they’re coming from toxic situations. The relief it feels to be single afterwards is priceless.
I imagine what some people mean is that they have tried dating/relationships and prefer being single to those experiences. Being at peace could represent being at peace, being at peace with their decision, but it may also just mean they’re at peace because they’re not experiencing the turbulence of a chaotic relationship.
I want to find someone. But I am choosing to stay single until I find a person I WANT to be with and who adds to my life.
I have turned down several offers in the past year because I don’t want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship.
I hope that I will meet someone one day, but I would rather stay single than be with someone who isn’t a “fuck yes”. And I think, so should everyone else.
Great relationship>>Being single >>>>>>>> bad/toxic/abusive relationship.
Being in a toxic relationship is genuinely torture, the stress alone can be deadly.
I believe people when they say they’re happy single.
When you’ve been in a bad enough relationship, being single and living in peace really is a luxury. It will take a really wonderful man for me to give that up.
Add to that the stats (and the lived and observed reality) that women’s lives are made worse when they become a wife, (Google it) I am certain there are MANY happily single ladies out there.
I personally am single and at peace with it. Genuinely. But it’s not a weird “men are low quality” blah blah blah. I ended a 10 year toxic marriage (my children’s father) and about a year later met someone new and a year and a half after, ended that when it turned toxic. It really affected my kids (me too, obviously) and I decided I couldn’t do that to them again. There’s no guarantee a relationship will work, but i feel confident that a stable, happy life with just me is better than the instability and heartbreak that came from my relationships. It’s been two years since my last relationship ended. My kids are in activities, we go on trips together, we are all so happy.
So, I wonder if it’s the reason people give that sounds like bitterness, because I truly am happy being single. I really wouldn’t trade this time with my kids for anything at all.
The bitterness might be defensiveness because so many people think they need someone else to be happy. They haven’t found happiness while single, so can’t understand it. You can be single and have a full life with friendships, hobbies, travel, daily comfort and snuggles from a pet. No longer have to worry about keeping another person happy with things like shaving legs every day, picking up after them or dealing with their flaws just isn’t worth it.
Personally, being in a good relationship would be preferable to being single, but being single is significantly preferable to having to go through the initial meeting people and dating process to get into a relationship. I have to assume that for both men and women, the extremely bad experiences in the pre-relationship phase of dating are why people are happier single than going through that process.
I chose to be single, I can afford it in many ways and I am happy. I was in a toxic marriage and heading for a litigious divorce but the Universe and its infinite wisdom intervened and divorce was not necessary because you can divorce a dead person.
Dated for a couple of years after that and realized that my life was conflict-free, stress-free and enjoyed living alone, not to mention that the dates I had were disastrous so I didn´t really need someone to be attached to. I can do my own home chores (thanks, mom, for teaching me to be independant !) I love coming back home, taking my shoes and pants off in the living room as soon as I step into the house and walking around in my underwear if I want to, leaving the washer working overnight and the dryer while I am at work, not making my bed if I have no time etc without having someone yelling at me … or living with someone always in a bad mood not knowing why.I am not the one to live with queens or princesses, the only queen in my life is the one mentioned in one of my passports, and that is enough.
I can absolutely say I meant it. I did not want a relationship for 5 years following my divorce. I know I meant it because I avoided dating anyone who seemed like relationship material and refused to commit when casual encounters asked. Being free is wonderful.
Same as many women above, even though I’ve had some good experiences, the far greater percentage of my experiences with men in relationships has been negative – life threateningly so on more than one occasion. I’ve been able to build an amazing circle of friends since I’ve been single, and I’m very close with my family. I feel safe, peaceful, grounded, free, and happy – like I’m living in a dream every day. Not ~in spite~ of not being in a romantic relationship, but ~because~ I’m not in a romantic relationship.
There’s no way to know who means it. Everyone is gonna say they mean it
I’m in a toxic relationship with a woman I’m certain has BPD. Every day is a nightmare. She’s lived at my place for 6 months and won’t leave, despite my pleading. I’m very jealous of anyone that is single.
I can have a boyfriend tomorrow if I wanted to. There were and are people that want to be with me, and I’m choosing not to be with them because I don’t want to be with them.
They are not low-quality, they are not icky, they are not awful people. I’m sure many of them will make great husbands/wives one day. But they just aren’t what I want in a spouse.
I’m staying single until I find someone I would be willing to marry. I’m at peace being single because I’d rather be single and waiting for the right person VS taken and in a relationship with someone I never see myself marrying. I don’t date just for company and sex.
I’m also at peace because I’m trying to grow a network of friends to fulfill me socially! 🙂
At this point I am. Dating apps are so exhausting, and as a man always being on the “hunt” is tiring as well. When my coworkers show me chicks I’m not even interested like I used to be. Hookup culture and online dating has truly made dating hopeless.
It’s lonely sure. But damn is it peaceful
Not at all sure of the number, but I’m content. Maybe not absolutely thrilled, but I’m happier being single than I am in a relationship. And I am quite happy.
I live with my best friend and we do all the things couples do except have sex. I’m not lonely and get to do so much fun stuff with someone I love and who loves me, without drama. I’m especially lucky in that, but even without it, peace is worth so much more to me than being in an unhappy relationship. I miss regular sex, but other than that, super happy being single.
I think the ones who are telling the truth are the ones (amongst men and women) who have “been there and done that” especially if they gave their relationship(s) their all, loved with their heart, and then found themselves worse off (internally and externally) as a result.
Like I mentioned on another post that asked this same question: I used to wonder the same and didn’t think these people were telling the full truth. That is, until I found myself feeling so much peace and joy away from romantic relationships that I legit wondered how I could’ve imagined anything better than peaceful solitude with myself (and my friends and loved ones).
I also think some people who haven’t experienced romantic relationships also sometimes know themselves better than the rest of us. Some of us have to date and get married before we realize we probably were always wired to be single.
But we tend to do what society expects of us, and romantic relationships are pushed on us so much that even if you genuinely don’t want to be with another person, you think something’s wrong with you. So you actively seek “love” while not realizing that there are so many versions of love that do not mean romance.
As for “bitterness,” hmm… I sense way more bitterness from people in long-term relationships and marriages trying to convince themselves they made the right choice. I always see it as a red flag when people in relationships call single people “bitter.” I suspect it’s projecting tbh.
Yes, some people are hurting still. But that doesn’t make them bitter.
And don’t forget, people are hurting IN relationships as well, but they’re rarely called bitter.
the longer you’re single, the more you value it. my space, my time, I (40F) enjoy it enough that the dating is competing with how peaceful my life is. sometimes i want to get on the apps but even making time to commit to dating and going out and spending time/money when I work until 7 every week night is hard to do.
I always THINK I need a relationship but I always have serenity when I’m single and relationships ALWAYS make me stressed and pull me away from making progress in my career.
I have never felt more alone than when I was in a toxic marriage. I’ve been single since my divorce in 1999. Life is good.
44/m, been single for the last 3 years…
Every aspect of my life has gotten better as a result of focusing my time/energy on getting healthy.
Learn to be happy on your own is how you find peace.
💪☯️🧠🧘♂️🌱
*I earned one of these a long time ago 🥋🙏
It’s hard to say.
From my own perspective, which should be taken with a grain of salt (I know) given my current situation being so fresh, I do feel genuinely happier and more at peace without a romantic partner.
Before my last failed relationship, I had reached a point of emotional and mental stability I have never known before. Right now, the pain of my current break up is probably fueling it of course, but even with the emotional distress, I feel so much better.
So many of my experiences in relationships have been incredibly toxic, abusive or coercive, and generally just abjectly painful. I’m looking forward to the peace I know I’ll feel sooner or later. I think probably this was my last relationship and I’ll be content with it for quite awhile.
So much pressure is put on us to find a romantic partner to be seen as normal and shame if we don’t have that. I think many people, all other things being equal, probably find that if the shame was removed from the equation, they’d be a lot happier being single. I’ve seen these conversations come up with a lot less shame attached or even being celebrated, so it wouldn’t surprise me if that trend continues, that people will find themselves happier choosing to be single.
I feel like being single gives me peace because I don’t have to deal with anybody hurting me, but I can’t say that I am at peace being single because I’m a relationship person and I wanna find love