After dating for a couple months and experiencing the ups and downs, I'm starting learn more about myself, the patterns I'm noticing and what I expect in a partner.
I think those I've matched with, we can hold a good discussion about many topics. However, I find when we meet in person or get to know each other even more, they start to back off. I was confused at first, ngl, I thought there was surely something I was lacking… yet it's more complex than that.
I think it comes down to not only compatibility of personalities/morals/values but also how secure we both feel with each other. I felt, with one of my dates, they'd insinuate feeling invisible or how well put together I am. Although they appear as regular compliments on the sure, but there's certainly hidden truth behind them.
In actuality, they were insecure to be around me! They felt they couldn't keep up with me spiritually or how much I've worked on myself along the way- it shook their inner child.
This made me realize, I shouldn't have to shrink myself to someone and I need someone I could grow with securely while we mesh well in personality/moral/values and we're physically compatible.
Now this is hard, especially with online dating because everyone operates with a mask on and switch their masks based on who they interact with- it's inevitable.
It's why when I see posts on this subreddit, I realize we're all operating out of fear when dating and not really open to who's truly best for us, and not willing to grow with someone to make it work. After all, the news with divorces/tragic cases in marriage, Gen Zs/Alphas are very wary to rush into relationships.
Anyways, I think we should give ourselves grace when dating while learning what we really strive our life long partner to be, and filter out those who can't keep up, because if they aren't willing to change now, will they ever?