tldr; how can i get my long distance girlfriend to be more open and trusting with me? how do i show her that i do care and i love her? what little things can i do that will help show her that i’m fully dedicated to our relationship?
so for clarification me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 and a half years. the first year of our relationship we were in school together but after i had to move so i left school and moved away and we became long distance. it’s not always easy because it’s basically an online relationship as i rarely see her in person. nonetheless i wouldn’t change it for the world and i truly love and adore everything about her and i’m blessed to have her in my life.
but within the last 6 months i’d say we’ve gone through some rough patches. we’ve worked out major issues in the past and we’ve been through a lot together but the last few months our arguments are always about the same thing and we can’t seem to resolve them. and unfortunately 99% of the arguments are because of me. i don’t have any excuses for myself other than this is my first serious and healthy relationship. and i’ve only just turned 18 so there are a lot of things i’m not good at. i really do try to be a good person but i always seem to make mistakes which cause issues in our relationship. she is a very sensitive person and has major trust issues due to her traumatic childhood, so little things trigger her and she needs a lot of reassurance but i’ve learnt to adjust to that.
she always says that she feels as though our relationship is one sided. like she puts all the effort in and that she cares more than me. in my head she’s completely wrong and that i show her a lot of care and love. she claims that she only ever asks me to call her and it’s never reciprocated. and that she’s never horny anymore because she doesn’t feel compassion. but i don’t ever ask her to call simply because she’s always always busy and her parents aren’t fond of me so i just wait for her to be available to ask me. it’s always been that way. but she just says i seem nonchalant towards her like she’s my friend not my partner. and reading through our messages i see what she means. i’m quite dry towards her and i don’t reassure that often.
she said when i ask her how she is or if she’s okay i seem like im just asking because i have to because it’s the bare minimum. but i don’t want to make her feel that way. i want her to think highly of me and to know that she can always go to me when she’s upset. because she can’t. it’s been 2.5 years and she can’t open up to me. she claims she doesn’t feel safe enough to because she hates being vulnerable with me. all i need to know is what can i do to show her that i truly do care for her and want her more than anything? this is my first relationship and even though it seems straightforward what i need to do, no matter how hard i try i can never do it right. i just need help and what i can do or say to her to get her to trust me. feel free to ask questions im happy to answer. i’m sorry this is long if you’ve got this far thank you