My wife (47F) just left me (49m) after 20 years of marriage , ive known her for almost 30 years , and we have been together close to 28 years .
She left me for a woman (30F) , and i know the first thing some will say its a gay thing but im not sure , actually i am not sure WHY she left , she has cheated before (about 8years ago) with another guy , i was furious ,
i was sick and with breathing issues so i couldnt be there for her physically , and it was in this period that she decided to cheat , i did catch it before it got out of hand (it was just kissing) but cheating nonetheless
we have kids (2) and we wanted to make this work so we went to therapy and all seemed well , actually it seemed we were closer than ever (at least to me) maybe i was blind but regardless .
3 years ago my father died , he was a very important figure in my life , he also died of Parkinson's , (this was a horrible event for me ) and admittedly i got depressed , after a while i started noticing my wife becoming distant , i kept asking and checking if everything was ok , and she would just nod
Sex was all but gone , this messed with my head even more , the feeling of unwanted-ness and your insecurities go through the roof , but i kept hanging on
last march i said i could not take this anymore and started to push harder because i want her , and i love her , i truly really do
This is when she told me i dont love you anymore , i dont want to try anymore and there is someone else , this was absolutely crushing for me , i tried to talk to her to try and understand why or to give me a reason , but she couldnt , or maybe didnt want to she did mention that she didnt want to resent me (maybe she was already ?)
I tried to stay at home for the kids , but i couldnt , i had to get out of the house , i couldnt breathe i felt physically ill
It has been 4 months now , her life continues normally , as if nothing happened , i didnt have many friends to begin with , and the few i have dont know what to tell me , some feel even embarrassed for me , so they avoid me , i am literally alone in this , its hard as fuck , probably the hardest thing i have ever gone through
I have been going to the gym , and the few friends i have i cling to , but they also have families , and there is only so much they can take of my sorry ass , i am really trying to put this behind me , but for some reason i cant , therapy went nowhere , and my life feels empty , honestly i am at a point i dont want to exist anymore , your mind takes you to dark places sometimes
i dont know what to do , nothing seems to work , i cant focus , the pain is unbearable , the fact that she is out there , living her life without this affecting her , is insane to me , i think she planned this a long time ago
I am devastated , i never felt like this and i feel the urge to act on these dark thoughts seem to grow every time as i see no way out of this hole , i know we cannot be together anymore , that much is clear , i just dont know what to do
I dont want my kids to see me like this , and when i see them they remind me of her and then it all goes to shit again , and i know its not fair for them either
at this point it seems easier to just check out , its not like i will be missed anyways