( together for 2 months )
she asks for reassurance at least 1-3 times a week. it is provoked by very simple things like asking for me-time, the vibe feeling “off”, or me being quiet (which is frequent).
generally i’m happy to reassure my partner, but i find myself reaching a point where im tired of it and feel suffocated by having to convince her im not cheating.
this all reached its worst point yet the other day when we were talking to a male coworker of ours. i thought all was going well, we were having a good convo and then she stormed off out of nowhere. when i caught up with her later on, she asked me if i (a lesbian) have feelings for this dude. i made a repulsed face, said no, hes nice to talk to but its nothing close to romantic. kind of flabbergasted by it tbh.
she said “alright, don’t worry, i didnt even want to bring it up, it’s my own stuff i need to work out, you dont need to change behavior it’ll be fine”. we hugged and carried on with our days, but inside i felt so much sourness arise towards her. even if she says it’s “her stuff”, it is clearly affecting our relationship and pushing us apart. i dont want her to be silent about what’s bothering her or feel alone in it, but im also like what the fuck? i don’t want to have to justify and explain my normal day to day interactions because she’s insecure.
on the flip side, she straight up told my boss (an older woman) the other day that if she keeps standing so close to her, she’s going to get kissed. utterly inappropriate right? and like i’ve said elsewhere, i find that embarrassing as fuck, but nonetheless i trust her. i know who she is and i know she’s not cheating on me. i dont make her defend herself, im just not threatened. now i know i can’t expect her to have the same psyche as i do – but idk. it just seems like a ridiculous thing to expect in an adult relationship. especially when she KNOWS i have no interest in anyone else, i dont even have other friends. i dont like to drive, im a total homebody who would rather read books and make art than interact with people. i dont date, i dont even have social media (besides reddit when i need advice lol). it’s like, how do you see who i am and still let your trauma convince you im fucking someone else? i left a job, my hometown, my family, my pets, all behind because i was invested in this relationship.
it’s to the point that i don’t feel intimate towards her at all and im growing less attracted to her. mutual trust and the ability to get the solitude i need without having to fight for it are my two most important things i need in a relationship and i don’t have either. (well, she “supports” me getting alone time, but the drill is that i have to reassure her before and after that im not cheating on her, so that just taints it for me and feels like shit!)
anyway, how do you advise me to handle this and start repairing our connection? how do i stop being angry that she mistrusts me for no reason other than her own past hurts?
tldr; my partner keeps accusing of cheating when im not and i don’t know how to go about repairing the lost intimacy from that or if its even worth it.