This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Can someone please tell me I’m an idiot?
Haven’t had a boyfriend in over a decade due to moving around. Got my dream job and wanna be here forever but it’s in a small town and for the life of me, I can’t lock someone down. Been on a few dates with guys I liked but they all ghosted me. Went on a few dates with guys I didn’t click with and politely declined future dates. Finally met someone who I had two great dates with and had a third date lined up. Time was confirmed midweek. We had SO MUCH in common and spent the dates laughing and trading stories with no awkward silence. Less than 24 hours before the next date, hit with the dreaded no connection text. Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with him having no connection (although I wish he figured that out before getting my hopes up all week). But I am still so frustrated and feeling so far away from ever having a partner.
Starting to realize that if I ever want a partner, I have to leave my dream job and move. Again.
My boss and I were just having a random conversation that lead into the topic of cheating. He just said to me (paraphrased), “It’s never a guy’s fault if he cheats on his girlfriend – it’s the other woman’s fault for offering it up on a platter to him. Guys are dumb and simple, if it’s right there he’s going to take it. So it’s the woman’s fault for opening that door to him.”
…Sounds like my boss is cheating on his wife and trying to justify it, haha. Yikes on bikes.
The music guy is still living rent-free in my head. He needs an eviction notice! I wanted to join the music team (after the church membership situation was sorted) but at this stage, I can’t do it in good conscience – it feels like I have a selfish, ulterior motive!
At this rate, nothing will ever happen. But something about this crush is different – I have no interest in keeping dating apps anymore- it’s almost like, it’s this guy or nothing. Previously, at the crush stage, even at the introductory stage (on apps) I’d keep the options open. Am I finally growing up?
I’m convinced I’d be going into some dates again. I’ve completely tried to heal my inner child and get in touch with myself. I wanted to interact with men and learn something or build something with someone not going to be a walk in the park but I’m excited to delve into it again. Thing is I don’t want to go outside but I’m now forced to, to meet people organically. I’d might consider OLD but I’m not optimistic about it. Anyway, happy friday y’all!
Last night I broke from my normal! I went to a networking happy hour. I have been to plenty of these over the years with mixed experiences. But this one was very fun!
It has been a long week and I started the evening pretty exhausted. But when I got there I didn’t think I would stay long. I ended up parking myself at a table and chatting with a fee folks nearby, but I didn’t make the full rounds.
I met one guy who was trying to rally folks to go to his favorite bar at the end. But 8 of us from the networking event ended up at a bar continuing ro chat.
By the end of the evening, I saw some promising chemistry between two people. And they planned to meet up today.
I made a new buddy with the instigator. I have plenty of female friends but not so many male ones in my age group, and he is my age and also seems to have friends and socializes in my neighborhood. So perfect person to stay connected to!
I ended up getting home late with some new potential buddies to cast a wider net.
Started dating exclusively in January, broke up, went on a casual date a month later and have decided to date non-exclusively and see how it goes. so far so good, I like that I can have my cake and eat it so to speak cuz I started sleeping with a friend while we were apart and I really enjoy the sex, didn’t want to give that up so soon. we’ve decided we’re each other’s primaries and that sex outside our relationship is fun/casual only, not for an emotional connection/second relationship. He enjoys hearing when I have fun with my fwb, it’s his kink. I like hearing what interests him, but he’s been clear that how he has sex with casual partners isn’t how he’s interested in having sex with me, so we mostly just talk about how we’d integrate others in play and agreed he will just tell me after he hooks up with someone and let me choose to ask what I want to know (if anything).
It’s not a dynamic I expected to have with someone I’m deeply connected to, but I find it makes me less weird about hitting relationship milestones and allows me to bring my best self to the relationship, as opposed to when we were exclusive.
So tired of going on dates in which the guy doesn’t ask u a single thing about me and just brags about himself. It’s draining AF.
Day post break up. Imagine chatting with someone all day online, like a lot. Today, a dozen of little sentences here and there. Really dry, no hook to follow up. From both sides.
I have a feeling for now, we need some space but with some sparse checking on mental health. Otherwise we will be hovering a bit each other again and not letting this go properly. It’s the curse of being too intimate and comfortable with each other as a couple, that needs to fade before we can be friends again.
Go to the singles mixers!! Solo, with friends, just do it!
Met the most attractive man of my LIFE at one last night 😮💨 seriously like a cross between Kurt Russell and Travis Kelce with the most gorgeous eyes. The way he approached was smooth as hell and we talked the entire night.
Excited to see him again and see where it goes!
Someone please tell me why I should not re-download the dating apps for the trillionth time. I’m so lonely but the dating apps have always made me feel even more lonely. 😫
Celebrated my birthday single this week. Was it ideal? No. Not in the slightest. But was it better than last year? 100%
A year ago I had just been dumped by a 6-month LTR I thought was headed towards marriage. And then had to spend my actual birthday isolated at home applying a cream to treat “scabies” full body itching with red bumps and furiously laundering and cleaning my entire house advised by my dermatologist (who I later learned incorrectly diagnosed me and I just had hives–that went on to last another 6 months). That extra “treatment” on my birthday was only the icing on the cake of the 2 months of ridiculously awful gut healing protocols my doctor had me doing for what I’d soon find out was mold toxicity/dysregulated nervous system.
So this weekend I’m content celebrating the simple things, mainly my more regulated nervous system and continuously improving health.
And dreaming of a birthday not far off in the future relaxing with my future husband on the beach.
Follow up to my post yesterday, she is ignoring my heartfelt message for a week but had time to upload some kid pics onto fb 😂 she never posts on fb. They’re all on holiday for a week so I get that she’s busy with that but come on. Whatever man. Anxious attached or not, busy or not, leaving people on read for days on end is rude, period. Byeeee
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Was thinking today back to a few months ago. I went on a few dates with a girl who was pretty good looking, very nice and down to earth, and we even had several things in common. Plus she showed genuine interest, even reaching out on her own to set up one of the dates.
And yet… it just didn’t come together. There was never a true sign of a romantic connection, and I don’t think she felt one either. Never even kissed. I pretty unceremoniously texted her goodbye one weekend, we wished each other well, and that was it.
No desire to reconnect. Just curious how many people have had experiences like this.
Moderately frustrated at how so few people in my age range, even down to the mid-30s, are child-free or wanting to be child free. Feels like I’m looking for a needle in the ocean.
On the semi-flip side, been crossing paths with a woman at the gym for the past month and we’ve waved hello regularly. Finally decided what the hell and struck up a conversation with her a bit last night because she was lifting next to me; turned into a super fun chat. When we exchanged names (she asked me first) and I said “nice to meet you” her reply was, “Yes, FINALLY” with some extra emphasis. Funny-sad part: She’s moving across the country at the end of August for work. Can’t win for losing. 😛
Just want to get peoples thoughts on if my situation is a lost cause
Basically, matched with a girl at speed dating and communicated through email. Silence for a week but she got back to me saying she was on a trip. We agreed to move to text and I texted her. Turns out the organizer gave me the wrong number so I emailed her back and much to my surprise, she instantly emailed me back with the correct number.
I’ve triple checked and texted her and it’s been silent for 4 days. I’ve also confirmed with the organizer the number is correct
Should I bother emailing her again?
Can any women explain why being eager or excited comes across as desperate?
I appreciate it when women are looking forward to a date with me but I feel like often if I am present the same way to other women they view it as desperate or intense
What are your guys’ weird and silly red flags for dating profiles? For me it’s when someone talks about masculinity or masculine energy. I’m pretty traditionally masculine but something about that makes me feel like they buy in way too hard on the idea of gender norms and expectations
I have a date tomorrow night with a man whose profile sucks. He looks like he might be good looking, but his pictures don’t give much to go off of. Why I sent him a like was because it’s very obvious our music tastes are the same, and that’s always really fun in a relationship. And ironically, our first date is at an emo nite in town! I’m excited for it, but hope the attraction is there.
It’s so rare that I meet anyone who excites me anymore. I met someone at work that was so intriguing (off limits due to work) and it was shocking to me to even feel that spark again. I don’t get many matches anymore and I’ve exhausted local options. It’s the longest it’s been since I’ve gotten laid. I’m stuck in a cubicle rn. Life is hard
I had a first date scheduled for Saturday. He stopped responding mid week so, after a full two days, I assumed it wasn’t happening. I reached out anyway but it’s been a day and no response, so I’m going to get food and watch a film with friends instead.
3rd week of being back on the apps is in the book. Since my [bumble account was unjustly banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/I310trebPz), I’ve been using hinge a lot more since there’s really no other viable alternative (besides tinder, but that’s always been meh).
Since I’ve been really focusing on hinge, and maybe this is just the way my brain works, I’ve been noticing a pattern with lot of profiles that have the exact same or almost the exact same answers to their prompts. Maybe it’s just my age group (I’m a 31m) or maybe it’s my location etc. But the 4 common responses I keep seeing are:
Clean sheets, espresso Martini’s, certified yapper, love F1.
I didn’t realize F1 was so popular all of a sudden haha. And I don’t know why but I suddenly dislike the word “yapper”. But again, just me!
I feel lied to and honestly, a bit betrayed right now. Me (35F) and him (39F) have been dating for 5 months. We are kind of attached and see each other 5-6 times a week. 3 months into dating he finally tells me that he had been married and was divorced. Okay, I don’t care about that. We aren’t young, we have pasts. I was miffed that he omitted this information. But we talked about it and moved on. As part of his divorce, he is getting her pension. His ex gave it to him as a “I’m sorry.” Which is weird and even he doesn’t entirely understand why. He also told me the divorce was over a year ago, they weren’t in contact, and she was essentially dead to him. They were married 10+ years.
The other day he told me that he had a tough day. His friend picked up her cat he was cat sitting and I was sick so I couldn’t come over. He said it was tough because the apartment was so empty and he was so alone at night. He also had found out that day that getting the money from the divorce, was going to take longer than he thought. He intends to use it as a down payment on an apartment. We also discussed that in the future the potential of me moving in with him. He asked when my lease was up and if he bought a place, if I would want to. I said yes because well, rent would be cheaper, and at that point (next spring) I would be ready to, if all goes well with the relationship. I love spending time with him and I feel he clearly does too.
But the money thing got me curious. I hate that I looked. I finally looked up the divorce court records. I can’t get details, but I can get dates. She filed November of last year. The judgment of divorce was the beginning of June of this year. We started dating in March. I feel… so confused, torn. Lied to. Betrayed? Maybe that’s extreme but I’m a bit hurt.
It makes me question our relationship. He says he likes me, I know he does. But so close to having gotten divorced… Am I just a rebound really? Just fun? Companionship and sex because he doesn’t know how to be alone? He claims he is dating with intention and in his future he wants to be married again, we talked about if either of us want kids, we talk about future events and have discussed the potential of moving in together.
I don’t know how to feel. I don’t even honestly know if I’m his girlfriend. We haven’t said that word or talked about it. We talked about being exclusive/official back in April. I’m lost. I was finally feeling secure in this, finally feeling like I’d mostly healed my anxious attachment and gotten over some insecurities but now…
Is there anything about your life/personality you feel too shameful about to mention in your profile or in the early stages of a relationship?
I’ll give an example – I like video games. It’s my favorite way to experience media; Silent Hill 2, Resident Evil (2002 remake), .hack//G.U., Final Fantasy VII and SOMA are probably my Top 5. I am not sitting there screaming at children in Russia, nor am I ignoring my life responsibilities to grind out dailies in an MMO. I like the combination of sound, visuals, story-telling and *explorability* that games offer, and I rarely stick with games that last more than 20-30 hours (roughly the same as a season of TV).
But because there’s such a stigma surrounding gaming and the fans of the medium… I often don’t mention it at all. Sometimes I do. But I’ve seen so many profiles of women that say something to the effect of, “If you play video games, swipe left and grow up”. So even though this is a hobby I really enjoy, I feel too shameful to mention it.
Are there any other things that you leave out or feel apprehensive about mentioning for fear of negative judgement? And that’s an open question; could be a hobby, could be a belief, whatever.
Do you think the best day of your life has already happened, or is it yet to come? Why?