The only people that ever give me compliments are other men. Physically, I’m 6’2”, muscular, full head of hair and at one point grew a nice beard which was also among one of the compliments I’d often receive. I have had a lot of guys give me compliments on my appearance, follow by the “girls must be all over you…” or something to that effect. Thing is, that’s the opposite. I have never been told I was physically attractive by any woman, at most maybe told I was cute by a girl I was dating. Now appearance is definitely not everything, and I am quite timid when it comes to relationships which probably is the main reason I am unsuccessful in dating. There have also been quite a few times I’ve been called ugly by women. I even had a women take a photo of me without me knowing and sharing it among her friends in text to rag on my appearance, stuff like that. Everyone has different preferences when it comes to looks but could it be the case that what men generally think is attractive to women turns out to be vastly different from what is the case? Also that personality and confidence amounts to a lot more in dating?


8 comments

  1. I kind of get what you mean. Im 6’6. Other guys always say stuff like “man if I was your height, I’d get all of the girls.” Or “dating must be a breeze for you.”

    In reality, I’m 30 and have had like one girlfriend in my lifetime. Im not sure where they get these wild assumptions. I’m sure they’d “be in the NBA” too if they were my height..

  2. Hmm. I feel like you exist past the happy medium point. Where most women are probably too nervous to approach you. You also might be oblivious to subtle flirting.

    Im a bit below average and I get a few compliments a year.

  3. I mean it’s a mix of things you described yes

    * Yes the traits men find attractive in other men and what women find attractive may differ. If not the traits themselves, at least their priority relative to other traits
    * Like you said, personality and confidence play a much larger role for women on average over just physical looks
    * You mention being timid so that’s definitely a big factor if not the biggest. In most cultures women aren’t forward and don’t approach men so it’s rare you’ll get overt compliments or be asked out by women. Your timidness likely as a result isn’t playing in your favour

    Ultimately, you’re not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s fine. Monogamous relationships really only require *one* other person to find you their cup of tea.

  4. OP, I think you ansered your own question.

    You looks/appearance is the least interesting thing about you.

    You might get ‘dates’.

    Lead with what’s interesting about you… music tastes, your ideas, hobbies, books you read, have a dog?, travel, etc. That’s what’s interesting.

  5. 6’4 and It only worked in my favor once, and that led to one of the worst heartbreaks I’ve ever had. When it comes to compliments from women, my hair (long and annoyingly curly I have to brush it like 4 times a day to prevent a rats nest) has gotten me complimented twice.

  6. I mean…

    I lost a lot of weight and gained a bit back in muscle.

    And I let my hair grow.

    And the difference for me is night and day.

    I went from being stood up by the only girl who agreed to go out with me to having 10 first dates in like 2 months.

    And look, mate.

    When was the last time you heard of a girl rejecting a guy for looking good?

  7. Female here. Yes, I think what men and women consider attractive are different. Women might find you physically attractive, but that doesn’t mean they’d be interested in dating you. Age is a factor, too. Women in their 20s tend to go after guys for their looks more than older women do. It’s usually not attractive to women beyond their 20s for a guy to be so into his looks that he’s vain. Mature, desirable women want love, security, and a good personality from her partner. If you come across as one of those guys who thinks he can get any woman because of his muscles and full head of hair, then that’s likely why those women laughed at you.

  8. Lol. Being tall, not bald and having a beard doesn’t automatically make you attractive. I’m not saying you’re ugly, but it’s a possibility. Being tall with good hair won’t make up for a conventionally unattractive face. 🤷‍♀️

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