We've been dating for almost 4 years. Of the 6 people I've dated, she's been my best and longest relationship. We trust each other and rarely fight. She checks most of the boxes for me. She's the first partner I've ever missed when we have to part for the week. I like her companionship and we enjoy mutual hobbies together. The sex is good. The physical affection is lacking. Our eventual marriage has been a foregone conclusion until recently.
I initially thought she could be the one. Then a year in I thought "yep, she's the one". I always pictured myself having children and still kinda do, but within the last year we decided that likely isn't the best choice. See "Children" at the bottom for details.
We aren't starting a family, I'm indifferent to homeownership, and a wedding only changes our tax brackets. There is no "next" for us, just the same, happy life that we've been living. Our relationship is on the plateau, so I just don't feel excited at all. I feel slightly nervous but I think that's normal for any major life decision. I don't think I can write heartfelt vows like those I've heard at other weddings. See "Feelings" in the appendix for details.
Anyway, aside from my hyper-specific case, has anyone else just not been excited for marriage despite everything else being good?
Appendix
Children:
2 years ago I decided she was more important than my roughly 70% desire to start a family. I don't want "kids" or to do "kid things" or to have less freedom and more chores… I want purpose, hope, successors, and family when I'm old.
Feelings:
My feelings for her are more like hot embers rather than flames. There's no passion, but I don't feel passion anywhere in my life, so it may just be a me thing. I haven't really had any intense feelings after the first 3 months in any relationship. The most notable feelings I have is when she puts her head on my chest and my heart glows. If that isn't love, then IDK what love is.
Note I'm a worrier. It's better that I'm not left alone with my thoughts because I will always find something to ruminate about. This makes me wonder if I'm manufacturing relationship problems.
Note She knows I have the ring and I've talked to her about this and she's been stressed/depressed and not ready for engagement too, before we talked. I bought the ring after she asked to go shopping together before this, 10 months ago.
*Would I sacrifice myself to save her… maybe. If I knew we could split up and both end up in better relationships, yes I'd split.
Note Yes, I need to try therapy again.
TLDR: my relationship has plateaued, so I'm not excited for the future with her, but we enjoy the present together.