For background we have been in a relationship for 4 years. I love him very much and trust him deeply. We had this conversation a couple years back and it spiked my anxiety, so we never talked about it again. I recently remembered and realized a bit more why it bothers me. Maybe it doesn’t need to but I’m having a hard time wrapping me head around it so would really appreciate some different perspectives.
Before I get into my viewpoint, I want to make it clear that I have no intention of telling him to stop watching porn or anything of the sort. I am simply uncomfortable with the idea that he has a specific favorite actor.
Here’s my viewpoint: I have no problem with watching porn. I do occasionally, and I get having a preferred genre or type of content that you might seek. But I have never watched the same people or even felt the desire to seek out more content from a specific person. To me, it’s the scenario that is arousing, not the specific people.
When you have a favorite person, that is where you lose me. It immediately becomes a lot more personal. When you choose a favorite person, it means you like them, and thus implies you actively seek out that person because it’s them, not the scenario or otherwise. You naturally learn more about them, their name, their body, etc. To me it kinda messes with me to think there is another person in this world who arouses my partner, and he actively seeks their content out to watch and satisfy him. This person exists and could literally walk down the street and he would recognize her and know that he’s cum to her multiple times. There’s something intimate about that that I really have a hard time with.
I would really love to hear more perspectives, especially from men as I’m sure there are many ways of thinking about the situation, and I would love to shift my mindset if possible. I feel a ton of anxiety from it when I think about it and don’t want to bring it up to my partner. I’m sure he would reassure me, but I think I would be pretty unregulated for the conversation and it feels unfair to him when he is truly a supportive partner that would never actively hurt me.
What are your thoughts?