Sorry in advance for the long post.
I’ve known this guy through mutual friends for around 15 years, we’re both in our mid 30s now. We’ve never talked much one on one but he’s always been in my periphery and I’ve had a rather large crush on him. I was never sure if the feeling was mutual despite some long lingering stares and eye contact across an occasional party. Truthfully, I’ve always thought he was too cool for me.
After Covid, I stopped spending much time with that friend group, so it had been almost 5 years since I’ve seen him. Imagine my shock and excitement when I saw that he slid into my DMs. We made the usual small talk over messages, before he eventually asked me on a proper date a week later.
Our date was for this last Friday. And it was amazing. Just seeing him again was perfect. He looked the same, just as handsome as ever. We laughed, almost nonstop as we got caught up over the past decade of our lives. He confessed over dinner that night to always having a crush on me too, and remembering the years of lingering eye contact. He told me about how he told a new group of friends about me, when they asked for his weekend plans, and how excited he was for a date.
After dinner, he invited me back to his place for a movie – I let him know I wouldn’t be sleeping with him since I don’t sleep with anyone on the first date, but I wanted more time with him and he assured me that’s all he wanted too.
At his place, he borrowed me sweats, and we cuddled, he didn’t make a move until after the movie where all we did was makeout. Once it was late, we would up in his bed, where we continued to makeout but also talked. Here’s where I’m sure I fucked everything up. I tend to be a yapper.
We joked a little about how he hunts, and I was vegan for a while. I said I understand the hunting because it can be a peaceful activity, the sitting and waiting, and I’ve even been on hunting trips before. I just said I didn’t understand the pride in killing. And he assured me that’s not what it was about for him.
The whole tone it seemed light and silly, we talked about all of our favorite things, favorite colors, and numbers, favorite constellations, and our favorite foods. I like some pretty bizarre out their food combinations, so he poked fun of me for that. We both kept saying how crazy it was that we connected so well after knowing each other for 15 years, and never doing anything about it before.
He kept saying how much he wanted to see me again, nudging me to check my work schedule and see when I was free. Making comments about how close he lived to my work and how I could come over some night, he’d buy my favorite bottle of wine, and grill me up to steak or veggie burgers whatever I wanted. At one point, he said, “I’d like to see where this can go. I’m looking for something long-term and not just tonight.”
We talked a little bit about our last relationships, and why they ended. The whole thing was feeling very serious and, again, me being me, had to yap. I told him I had a confession, one that sucked to make, but that if we were to build something I had to be honest. I told him that like 8 or 9 years ago, I slept with a mutual friend of ours, who asked me to keep it a secret immediately after. He said that was no big deal at all, and we’re all adults with pasts. He also said, “Why any guy wouldn’t be proud to sleep with you with beyond me.. You’ve always been one of the most gorgeous women I’ve ever known, which is a big reason I never made a move before.”
I told him I’ve always thought he was too cool for me.
By the time we settled down to go to sleep, the sun was starting to come up and my stomach hurt from laughing. He made a comment that his cheeks were so sore because he couldn’t stop smiling. He held me in his arms the entire night.
The next morning when we woke up, he pulled me tighter for some more kisses. And when I looked at him, he had the biggest grin I’ve ever seen. “I just love looking at you, I could look at you forever.” he told me. We started kissing more, but I stopped us as things were getting hot and heavy, still not ready to sleep with him obviously.
At one point, I looked off into the distance, out the window, and he said I looked thoughtful, then asked if I was okay and thinking good thoughts. To which I assured him I was.
A little later, I told him I had to go and he offered to drive me across town to where my car was still parked at the restaurant. He held my hand the whole way back, telling me he was free all week except he had family in town that he’d have to make a little time for. This was not new information, he had mentioned it the night before. He said as soon as I gave him my schedule, we could figure out a time to see each other. Confirming wine choices. At one point, I complained about traffic, and he held my hand tighter saying he was just happy to have more time with me.
When we got to my car, he gave me several kisses, even when I pulled away, he grabbed me and kissed me more. I told him I’d confirm my work schedule when I got home and text it to him right away.
I had no doubt in my mind that I’d see him again, and soon.
I did what I said, and texted him my schedule when I got home.. But I didn’t hear back… So I texted him later in the evening and his reply was polite but not flirty..
Here’s where I made another possible mistake: I asked my sister for advice on what to text him. I was excited and wantef to ask him out again, she didn’t think I should. I sent him a text that started with “Okay fine, I’ll just say this to him instead. New version:” and I didn’t realize I left that note to my sister in the text.
He replied but didn’t call out my mistake, so I never caught it, and never got to explain. We sent a few more texts back and forth, and he never confirmed the evenings I told him I was free.
Then the next day he had a family emergency regarding the family here to visit. And has been checked out ever since. He did go into vague detail, and I told him to let me know if he needs anything. I reaffirmed that I would like to see him again, but I said to take his time with his family stuff in the mean time.
The last text I got from him was Monday. “Hey gorgeous,” more details about the family emergency, and ending with, “I’d love to see you again, but I’m not sure when that will be as I’m a bit anxious right now.”
The last thing either of us said, was my response to that. “I understand. Wishing your family well.”
Now I’m feeling confused.. I can’t imagine anyone lying about the type of family emergency he explained. But also, it’s nothing that would keep him this preoccupied so I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, he exaggerated things to get out of seeing me again.
Im obviously blaming myself now for the date. Being a little too honest, a little too quirky, and poking fun a little too much involving the hunting thing. I’m looking back and searching for signs on what I did wrong. That’s when I found the glaring text mistake.
I never get this wrapped up in a first date, I think part of it is that I had always secretly hoped that I would get the chance to go on a date with him, and I feel like now the experience and the buildup of 15 years came and went so fast, that part of me almost wishes that it never happened at all. The date itself lived up to all of the expectations I had and then some, and I so believed the feelings were mutual, but now it feels like I’m in the center of a very strategic slow fade. And it’s devastating. I feel like I’m mourning an idea, a “what if” that I held onto for a long time.