This is a sincere question coming from an honest place. I don't think I have it all figured out or something when I say this, but I've never prioritized dating in terms of how I feel about myself. I've had spans of being single, shitty relationships, situationships, and great relationships. I'm 40 and divorced. Why is there so much focus on being alone and how much dating sucks? Genuine question. I don't mean if you've never had a relationship because I think it's totally understandable why you'd want one, and I'm not trying to criticize anyone.
17 comments
For some people it’s because they really want to be married/have kids. For others it’s because they never learned how to enjoy being single.
Everyone is deprived of love so they find it in another person (i like to call it dopamine deprivation)
I just think it’s human nature. Humans aren’t meant to be solitary
One reason in general is because everybody wants the love, companionship and intimacy of another person.
Young people care more, especially the ones who had few or no relationships before 25, because it brings up the fear of loneliness and inadequacy. For guys, it’s also the fear of being ridiculed, or for girls to refuse to date you because of your inexperience. And that can lead to many other issues regarding how much you are willing to change and chase stability, just to have someone by your side.
We’re social animals with an innate drive to procreate (in most people).
Ppl don’t know how to love themselves and seek it in others, thinking it’s the only way they will feel good.
I’m a 46F, divorced (currently single), and while my happiness is not dependent on anyone, I’m very much enjoying my freedom of single life. Humans are wired for connection. Even those who are independent or enjoy solitude still tend to crave emotional intimacy, understanding, and companionship on some level. It’s part of how we’re built to bond, to be seen, to share life with others.
So when people say dating sucks or being alone is hard, it’s usually not just about having someone, it’s about that very human desire to be known, loved, and chosen. And when the path to that feels discouraging or painful, the frustration makes sense.
Humans crave companionship thus looking for it in romantic relationships but most times it’s driven by the fear of being alone or that nobody will love them later so they have to find it now.
Im very social and thirsty
I genuinely believe it’s because people are just bored. If I didn’t have too much going on I’d totally try dating (well…). In fact, when my life was falling apart and I had lost things to do – I tried dating
The desire for a partner is deeply personal and complex. It can be driven by a sincere wish to find someone to share your life with, to build a family, or it might be a way of coping with a fear of being alone or abandoned that traces back to childhood.
Humans are social creatures…and deep down, I think many (not all) people have a fear of being lonely/growing old alone
There are things that are acceptable as social norms. Some things you enjoy, etc, may not be accepted by the general public. But a companion who knows you through and through accepts you for who you are, not the sensible person you are supposed to be in public.
A good friend can cover alot of that but there are intimate lines you don’t cross with friends.
A partner is both a best friend and a lover
On a personal level, I think romantic relationships are a major feature of life. Like, if life had a travel brochure, “Get into a Relationship” would be a significant attraction, taking up one or two panels of the trifold brochure.
On a biological/genetic/evolutionary level, dating is the entire point of a human lifespan. Human bodies can be seen as simply vessels for genetic code, the goal solely being its passing down to subsequent generations. In this light, we are hardwired, pre-programmed to date (aka, have species-propogating sex) above all else. It’s the reason sex feels good; if it did not, our species wouldn’t have lasted one or two generations. Dating individuals can simply be seen as people running Mother Nature’s script.
I feel like this is asking “why are people different than me”🤣
Personally, I’ve only really had one relationship and it was AWESOME so that probably contributes to not being jaded
I’ve got my life super figured out too and kind of accomplished most of my other goals. There’s practically nothing else to focus on.
Also, values wise, I’m more the struggles and victories type than the comfort and materiality type.
Culture/society has trained us to focus on love, marriage, and procreation. It’s dumb because not everyone wants that stuff, and even if you do, you still need friends and a community. I like having a partner, but having a group of friends is more important to me. Ideally, I’d have both at the same time.
IMO it’s a mix of things. Finding a partner has always been a pretty important life milestone for many, but I do think there is a recency bias at play.
* wanting companionship is a pretty basic human need so of course it’ll always be somewhat forth of mind
* media has always glorified romance as the ultimate form of love so ever since we were kids we’re bombarded with movies, books or shows that idolize romance
* in addition to the above, social media further pushes the narrative
* there is a loneliness epidemic in modern times. Some are affected, some aren’t, but statistically there is something different (whether it’s the internet, lack of third places, that’s another topic altogether) but fact is, the average person has a lot less close friends and community than previous generations, so I think a lot of us seek a romantic partner to help fill that gap
There’s of course a lot more but those come off the top of my head