Hello just a bit of back background. I became seriously sick two years ago, ever since then my looks rapidly declined. I was considered attractive prior to this illness. He still finds my features very pretty, but he can see the damage done by the illness as well as me and I look drastically different.
Naturally this has my self esteem extremely low. I barely recognize myself anymore.
We both have a friendF(29) (albeit she is much closer to him than me). She frequently asks about our situation as she knows me before getting sick and has been following the situation to an extent through my bf. They are friends and have the same friend group.
However she has made no effort to respond to my texts and has left me on read for months. Despite this she loves to ask my bf how he's doing, and how I'm doing, and recently trying to emulate some therapeutic relationship with him by asking him specifically and how it is with me emotionally, how he's coping with it
I'm talking into consideration as I do believe she is a nice girl, but not the smartest when it comes to emotional maturity how this may look to me.
Anyway our intimate life as you can imagine is quite dull and we have a moee care taker relationship than a bf/gf dynamic This makes me quite insecure, and as they hang out a lot(not 1on1) I proceeded to ask if he finds her more attractive. He said yea which is ok to me as I understand the situation objectively, and I assumed so.
The problem is more so when we were having a discussion about a party he attended where he was there with her. He told me she approached him 1on1 basically letting him know, "hey if you need to talk, we know each other well by now, and I'm always here for you" – kind of thing. Just to clarify, my boyfriend has kept it mostly technical and not emotional/personal related to her open ended questions. but this time he was half entertaining it in his head, but still shut it down which i am happy of.
The sentiment is sweet, but I can't lie it did make me quite jealous/bitter based on everything I've wrote. I know that might be immature. Then he told me he won't talk about such subjects to her because he doesn't essentially want to open pandoras box. He said if he starts forming an emotional bond with her, he might start developing feelings for her.
We have been together for ten years. It. Is a bit nuanced situation so I understand that. He genuinely does love me he does everything for me but this really upset me.
Is it reasonable to be upset/jealous? He also talks about her quite a lot casually, admittedly I do being the topic up because he's become really close friends with her bf. But sometimes it is annoying. He's also said he fantasizss about other women which i just assumed is normal.
As I'm bed bound nothing really goes on in my life so I like to find out what is happening between her and her bf. I'm basically living vicariously through my bf.
Anyway thank you
TL;DR bf finds friend more attractive. They hang out at her house about once a week to see his friend(her bf). Admitted he may develop feelings for her if they were to speak about our situation.
Is it reasonable to be jealous? How do I approach this?