What’s your marriage hack you wish you knew sooner?
August 5, 2025
What’s your marriage hack you wish you knew sooner?
35 comments
In a conflict, never think of it as “you vs. me,” but as “us vs. the problem.” Get on the same team.
The happier you make your spouse, the happier they want to make you.
Marry someone you don’t just love but actually like
Pre nup
This is not a *marriage* hack, but a relationship hack in general. People like to hear, “you’re right.” And often in a conflict, both parties are right — at least about some aspect of the situation. “You’re right” can defuse some anger and tension, and shows that you are listening to your partner.
Sleeping in the same king size bed with separate duvets/blankets/comforters!!!!!
We spend 10 minutes each night cuddling good night then we go our separate ways to burrito as we wish without any threat of blanket theivery in the middle of the night. Ensures we don’t disturb each other’s sleep 😍
We’ve been doing this since our second night together 18 years ago when he stole the blankets…that was a oh hell no I can’t live like this moment lol and it’s been happily ever after sleep since!
The best marriage advice I EVER got, I read in a cosmo magazine. If you argue about whether to squeeze the toothpaste from the end or the middle, buy two tubes of toothpaste.
Some things aren’t worth arguing over. Sometimes you just need two tubes of toothpaste.
Separate bathrooms!! Seriously, it sucks waiting on someone, and it really sucks walking in after they’ve been in there a while. I know we’re all human, I know we’re all gross, but I also like to keep some things as private as possible.
Yes, dear.
I like to think of marriage as a sport. You’re one team working towards an end goal. When things aren’t going your way, remember whose team you play for. You wouldn’t yell at your teammate for missing a pass or appearing tired. You’d encourage them and lift them up.
Your teammate in life deserves respect. They don’t deserve to be lied to or deceived. They should be given opportunities to be imperfect.
Separate bedrooms.
Not only for marriage, but speaking up when there’s a problem and being brave to bring up difficult topics with your partner.
It is not strange or weird to have separate bedrooms. It’s actually the best.
Don’t get married if you think you can fix a relationship with ‘hacks’.
Don’t.
Resolve conflicts using the L.O.V.E conversations, resolving emotions will make resolving the problems so much easyer and keep your connection strong.
Don’t get married.
Creating a chore board!
It was so much better working together to think about all the tasks that needed to be done and how often together. We do a monthly chore draft and that way I don’t have to nag him and can let go of the mental load of managing the house. I’m only responsible for the chores I chose! We have also added in big monthly projects we want to accomplish and a weekly check-in where we discuss our highlights of the week, that week’s MVP or “sweet pete of the week” (right now it is a tie between my husband, me, and our two cats).
Values & intention setting!
Once a year we talk about our general life values and set intentions for what values we want our family to uphold. Then throughout the year when we live up to the intention we run around the house yelling VALUES!
Then we set our own definition for our top values and I create a flyer in canva to hang on our fridge.
Overall just relationship related — don’t try to continue a serious discussion late at night or running on fumes in general. It is better to go to bed and revisit it the following day if necessary.
[removed]
Communicate effectively. If you want your spouse to do something, ask them to do it. Don’t assume that they will just do it.
I’ve had many female friends who would constantly complain about their husbands not helping around the house and would just assume they would do it because the house was dirty. The first thing I would ask them is ‘did you ask him to do it?’ and they always said ‘no’.
You have to find a balance between differentiation and enmeshment. You should have your own sense of self and things that are unique to you, that wouldn’t go away even if your spouse suddenly wasn’t in the picture, whether that’s hobbies, a career, etc.
Simultaneously, you shouldn’t be so independent of your spouse that they play little role in your life and you constantly act without regard for their wants or needs.
Either of these poles is incredibly unhealthy. The trick is to fall somewhere in the middle.
When you have the upper hand, don’t use it.
Best advice find someone with the same values and moral compass as you. Not highly minded. Soulful aware. You’ll change so much through life but one thing that doesn’t change is our internal guide that regulates how we treat others, how we react, and you know all those moral things. So they need to be on the same level. The balance
[removed]
Don’t “save yourself” for marriage under any circumstances. You will lock yourself into a lifetime of sexual incompatibility and abject misery, and it will not be worth it.
Don’t talk bad about your spouse to anyone.
I don’t have to pick up every conflict potential I come across. My psyche is far healthier when I learn to just let shit go.
I frequently ask myself if in the end it really matters and most of the time it doesn’t.
Don’t share bank accounts.
Don’t react. Take your time to process and then communicate.
Pick your battles. Some things aren’t worth the fight. Compromise is key. Don’t yell at each other. Talk.
Love him in the way he could receive love, not how I thought I should based on how I receive love.
If mostly what you’re fighting over is whose turn it is to do household tasks, then spend the money on a housecleaner, not marriage counseling. A counselor will listen to you talk about whose turn it is to clean the house, while a housecleaner will actually clean the house.
If you’re mad at your partner and thinking of all the things you want to say to them, absolutely do not say those things. If you need to get it out write it down. Those thoughts are probably not rational and will only make things worse.
Look up the Gottman method of resolving conflict. My husband and I used this just last night. It works phenomenally.
35 comments
In a conflict, never think of it as “you vs. me,” but as “us vs. the problem.” Get on the same team.
The happier you make your spouse, the happier they want to make you.
Marry someone you don’t just love but actually like
Pre nup
This is not a *marriage* hack, but a relationship hack in general. People like to hear, “you’re right.” And often in a conflict, both parties are right — at least about some aspect of the situation. “You’re right” can defuse some anger and tension, and shows that you are listening to your partner.
Sleeping in the same king size bed with separate duvets/blankets/comforters!!!!!
We spend 10 minutes each night cuddling good night then we go our separate ways to burrito as we wish without any threat of blanket theivery in the middle of the night. Ensures we don’t disturb each other’s sleep 😍
We’ve been doing this since our second night together 18 years ago when he stole the blankets…that was a oh hell no I can’t live like this moment lol and it’s been happily ever after sleep since!
The best marriage advice I EVER got, I read in a cosmo magazine. If you argue about whether to squeeze the toothpaste from the end or the middle, buy two tubes of toothpaste.
Some things aren’t worth arguing over. Sometimes you just need two tubes of toothpaste.
Separate bathrooms!! Seriously, it sucks waiting on someone, and it really sucks walking in after they’ve been in there a while. I know we’re all human, I know we’re all gross, but I also like to keep some things as private as possible.
Yes, dear.
I like to think of marriage as a sport. You’re one team working towards an end goal. When things aren’t going your way, remember whose team you play for. You wouldn’t yell at your teammate for missing a pass or appearing tired. You’d encourage them and lift them up.
Your teammate in life deserves respect. They don’t deserve to be lied to or deceived. They should be given opportunities to be imperfect.
Separate bedrooms.
Not only for marriage, but speaking up when there’s a problem and being brave to bring up difficult topics with your partner.
It is not strange or weird to have separate bedrooms. It’s actually the best.
Don’t get married if you think you can fix a relationship with ‘hacks’.
Don’t.
Resolve conflicts using the L.O.V.E conversations, resolving emotions will make resolving the problems so much easyer and keep your connection strong.
Don’t get married.
Creating a chore board!
It was so much better working together to think about all the tasks that needed to be done and how often together. We do a monthly chore draft and that way I don’t have to nag him and can let go of the mental load of managing the house. I’m only responsible for the chores I chose! We have also added in big monthly projects we want to accomplish and a weekly check-in where we discuss our highlights of the week, that week’s MVP or “sweet pete of the week” (right now it is a tie between my husband, me, and our two cats).
If you need help starting the conversation I’ve heard good things about this card deck: Fair Play Life https://share.google/4PAkIY8jsQYwd22fc
Values & intention setting!
Once a year we talk about our general life values and set intentions for what values we want our family to uphold. Then throughout the year when we live up to the intention we run around the house yelling VALUES!
We use this activity to get us started:
CoreValuesExercise.Couples.pdf https://share.google/QBQcgZnnMmOyd1A8d
Then we set our own definition for our top values and I create a flyer in canva to hang on our fridge.
Overall just relationship related — don’t try to continue a serious discussion late at night or running on fumes in general. It is better to go to bed and revisit it the following day if necessary.
[removed]
Communicate effectively. If you want your spouse to do something, ask them to do it. Don’t assume that they will just do it.
I’ve had many female friends who would constantly complain about their husbands not helping around the house and would just assume they would do it because the house was dirty. The first thing I would ask them is ‘did you ask him to do it?’ and they always said ‘no’.
You have to find a balance between differentiation and enmeshment. You should have your own sense of self and things that are unique to you, that wouldn’t go away even if your spouse suddenly wasn’t in the picture, whether that’s hobbies, a career, etc.
Simultaneously, you shouldn’t be so independent of your spouse that they play little role in your life and you constantly act without regard for their wants or needs.
Either of these poles is incredibly unhealthy. The trick is to fall somewhere in the middle.
When you have the upper hand, don’t use it.
Best advice find someone with the same values and moral compass as you. Not highly minded. Soulful aware. You’ll change so much through life but one thing that doesn’t change is our internal guide that regulates how we treat others, how we react, and you know all those moral things. So they need to be on the same level. The balance
[removed]
Don’t “save yourself” for marriage under any circumstances. You will lock yourself into a lifetime of sexual incompatibility and abject misery, and it will not be worth it.
Don’t talk bad about your spouse to anyone.
I don’t have to pick up every conflict potential I come across. My psyche is far healthier when I learn to just let shit go.
I frequently ask myself if in the end it really matters and most of the time it doesn’t.
Don’t share bank accounts.
Don’t react. Take your time to process and then communicate.
Pick your battles. Some things aren’t worth the fight. Compromise is key. Don’t yell at each other. Talk.
Love him in the way he could receive love, not how I thought I should based on how I receive love.
If mostly what you’re fighting over is whose turn it is to do household tasks, then spend the money on a housecleaner, not marriage counseling. A counselor will listen to you talk about whose turn it is to clean the house, while a housecleaner will actually clean the house.
If you’re mad at your partner and thinking of all the things you want to say to them, absolutely do not say those things. If you need to get it out write it down. Those thoughts are probably not rational and will only make things worse.
Look up the Gottman method of resolving conflict. My husband and I used this just last night. It works phenomenally.