Let’s stop pretending. Most people today aren’t looking to connect they’re looking to be entertained. Distracted. Validated. They want someone to talk to until something better pings their phone.What’s ruining relationships isn’t timing or circumstance. It’s the lack of honesty in intentions. People enter with uncertainty but speak like they’re certain. They offer closeness but hold the door open behind them. They want comfort without responsibility. They want to feel cared for without being expected to care back in equal measure.And when they’re met with consistency, they hesitate. They start pulling back. Not because anything went wrong, but because there’s nowhere to hide. They’re used to being surrounded by confusion so when clarity enters the room, they panic.And then there’s people like me.
I don’t trade in ambiguity. I don’t half commit. I say what I mean, I follow through, and I don’t ask questions I’m not prepared to answer myself. When I give, it’s not performative. It’s not an attempt to win anyone over. It’s because that’s how I operate.But that kind of clarity unsettles people who are used to instability. They call it “too much” not because it is but because it forces them to confront what they’re not ready to match.I offer consistency. Not conditions. I don’t disappear when it’s quiet. I don’t flinch when it gets difficult. I stay. I ask questions. I listen. I give a damn. And somehow, that makes me the strange one.They fumble it. They overthink it. They pull away before they’re even close. And then they rewrite the story to protect their ego saying I was too intense, too available, too forward. When in reality, I just wasn’t performing.I wasn’t dressing up what I felt. I wasn’t holding back to seem mysterious. I was honest. I was steady. And they couldn’t meet it.But I’m not bitter. Just tired. Tired of giving to people who haven’t built the capacity to receive. Tired of being handed uncertainty in return for clarity.They remember eventually. Not with regret, maybe. But with awareness. That they once had something that didn’t need translation. Something that didn’t shift based on mood or distance or fear.By then, though, I’m not waiting around. I don’t recycle efforts. I don’t chase comfort in familiar places that once called me “too much” just because I wasn’t holding back.
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21 comments
Yup. This.
You just haven’t met the right person
Sigh. It’s so true. I wish it wasn’t.
Speaking as a guy that has been separated from his wife for about a year and in the time I’ve been dating again had 3 short term relationships, 2 that I ended and one that they ended. I find the whole dating thing fascinating and it’s something that I’ve spoken to matches (and the three short term women) about and it is interesting hearing about their experiences as people looking to date and find relationships and dealing with the other side of it that I do.
My take away from your post is that you are the issue. You talk about how they said you were too intense or too forward and that kind of thing which tells me you’re not dating appropriately. A mistake I think a fair few people make when dating (hell, it’s a mistake I made when I was younger before I met my wife) is that they try to skip the dating part and dive right into the relationship part but you kind of can’t do that. Dating is about getting to know someone and the initial dating stuff should be light and fun, it gives people a low pressure environment to get to know you and work out if they like you and from there things build into a connection where there’s the trust to move into the more intense stuff.
By keeping things light and fun rather than intense and forward you wouldn’t be being inauthentic to yourself, you’d be being appropriate.
I like the saying people are so used to being a loser that they don’t even know when they won
Dating in 2025 really does feel like a performance, where honesty is rare, consistency scares people, and being emotionally available is somehow seen as a red flag instead of a green one.
I agree with everything you say. I put in effort, if you like me let’s go. Cit the games.
This sub is so doom and gloom lol
And that’s someone who up until a few weeks ago, dating for the last 6 months has been an emotional TOLL to say the least
Yes some people suck, they’re not honest, you get your heart broken etc….. but I’ve been able to sleep so much better at night accepting that and putting my all into people regardless, cause I know of things end I literally couldn’t have done anything else
Plus simply being patient, I’m now dating someone who is reciprocating a lot and is very much interested in me, we’re going on our 4th date soon (which she has expresssed she can’t wait for) and we’re both also fully aiming for a long term relationship. Even before meeting her I still feel grateful for everything that’s happened. I’ve learnt a lot and once you get over the sadness of someone leaving, I can promise you won’t feel this much doom and gloom and you WILL feel better <3
It’s so hard to find real connection nowadays. A lot of people just want someone to talk to, not someone to actually *go through life with*. I’m just hoping to find someone who’s willing to match my pace, literally and emotionally. Someone who doesn’t quit when it gets tough. Someone who’s not just looking for a distraction.
It would be nice to meet someone who actually wants to run in the same direction. 💓
I will tell you what I heard from others, people often put walls and expected the worst base on their past relationships. They have baggage, are not used to healthy relationship, and quite often, they would really benefit of taking some time for themselves before trying to go in other relationship. But at the end of the day, you can’t control others, only yourself and who you choose. Ask yourself why you tend to go for the same type of emotionally unavailable people. Hope this help and that you will have better luck in your research of love 🙂
“They want comfort without responsibility. They want to feel cared for without being expected to care back in equal measure.” If this doesn’t sum up modern society, I don’t know what does.
For me, it’s all about standards. If I don’t meet someone capable of showing the depth and qualities I need, I’d rather stay alone, I’ve built a life where I don’t need anyone. That allows me to be highly selective about who I choose to connect with, and it protects me from getting involved with women who aren’t truly aligned with me.
I read one line and speaking from myself…
Bullshit
It’s very true and I’m fed up, this is coming from someone who is an optimist. I won’t give up, but I wont be at all surprised if all these years past and I’m still single
I invite you to consider the possibility that maybe you have an anxious attachment style and are pursuing people with Avoidant Attachment Style tendencies.
The sexual revolution and its consequences. Who would’ve thought? Thanks, Boomers.
When there are endless choices, people often treat others as temporary distractions instead of long-term investments. Social media, dating apps, and constant notifications create a dopamine-driven mindset. People get used to quick hits of attention rather than deep bonds.
This is unfortunately true. It’s very frustrating especially if you never had a relationship before. You have to be really lucky nowadays.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Just because YOUR dating life sucks doesn’t mean dating all together is bad. There’s heaps of happy couples out there
That’s why I quit
100% all of this! Where’s just a guy that wants to date and have kids. Asking for myself! 🤣