38 (F), self proclaimed late bloomer and finally feeling like I'm catching up with the rest of people my age. Over the past few years I've been going to therapy and exploring non-monogamy, detachment, all of that, and I'm finally at a point where I'm looking for meaningful connection, prioritizing a sense of enjoyment over any title.
Last month I met someone and we've connected in almost a spiritual level in a way I can't explain. But, it feels like it may have been too much, too soon and we both freaked out a bit. We've talked about it and we're still interested in exploring this connection, but we want to go really slow and try to focus on keeping things light (as in having lighthearted moments of joy and playfulness). The caveat of this is he is not in a very good financial situation and I see he is determined to work on a project, but it's still a project.
On the other hand, while we were not talking I met someone and we connect intellectually in a way that feels delightful! We laugh al the time and we are interested in similar things. He is driven and has a nice career, ambition, and has the stability you would expect someone of our age would have. We've only met once but I've very much enjoyed his company.
That said, when the first guy and I reconnected and had a heart to heart, I can see how similar we are and how our dreams, and fears and insecurities are so similar that we just naturally understand each other. And it feels profound, transformative. But exactly because of that it is not as lively as the connection with the second guy.
So now I'm at a crossroads, where I'm questioning what I really value: connection over stability. Believing in someone's dreams and potential vs choosing the stable person who is already there….
Sigh…