What happened that made you softer or colder in life ?
August 5, 2025
What happened that made you softer or colder in life ?
28 comments
[removed]
Softer, age. I’ve found myself a lot less intemperate in the last few years.
Things that made me softer?
Spending time with old people, in college me and some friends did volunteer work at an old folk’s home, and it put a lot of things into perspective for me, heartwarming things like how family is super important, and scary things like how not everyone can be trusted in life
Things that made me colder?
Getting backstabbed by close male friends, after being betrayed so many times in my life by close male friends, I have a super hard time trusting them, and don’t normally let them into my social circle anymore, last straw was when my childhood friend sent me a picture of his dick randomly and asked if I wanted to see more, it broke my heart because I knew him since I was 5 and he was like a brother to me :
Therapy and space from the hardest parts of my life (family) made me softer, less angry. Allowed me to surround myself with people who care for me deeply, and also gave me the tools and self esteem to allow that and feel deserving of it.
Colder. Seeing how men treat women.
Softer and stronger. Went to literal hell
Softer: Space from family and becoming friends with people who accepted that some of my trauma just made me traumatized, not stronger (my parents are immigrants so their take on some things was just “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”)
Colder – being bullied.
Softer. I know how it feels to be really depressed and not have a single person notice. I try to be nice to everyone.
Both: the realization that we live in a brutal and messed up world where it’s often twisted and self-serving (cold) but I as an individual have the choice and ability to add kindness back into it (soft)
I’ve walked through hell, I’ve escaped a childhood I shouldn’t have survived, I’ve built up from the razed ground and watched it burn again. The world has never done anything but try and put me on a one way express to bitter, cold, and hard. But I get to decide not to be
I can choose to add kindness to the world. In a million little ways a day, and bigger ways when I can. If helping someone with a door, throwing a ball back to some kids across the street, scooping the bumblebees out of the fountain, and smiling at strangers and acknowledging their fellow existence makes this world a better place, why wouldn’t I?
Today I bought two cookies from a little girl who hadn’t sold any at her little stand on a very quiet street. She is trying to save money to buy a kitten. I’m allergic to the cookies, but she doesn’t need to know and the people on the street corner a few blocks away were happy to have them. It cost me $5
Colder – family
But it’s better to learn that lesson at home
Being severely bullied has made me both softer and colder. Colder on the outside, because I don’t trust people anymore and am not as open; I self-isolate more and my previously super open, chipper, trusting, naive personality has given way to something a little more skeptical and standoffish. Softer on the inside, because I feel like going through such ostracization, cruelty, and isolation broke me in a way that makes me much more understanding, patient, curious, and empathetic with others, and a lot less judgmental. I feel more in tune with what hardships they may be facing internally and find myself wondering what they are going through rather than jumping to any conclusions.
Colder. Unhealed men that dont go to therapy and just hurt women without taking responsibility
Nothing. I learn, adjust/adapt, act, move on.
Being constantly disappointed, undervalued, and mistreated by people I either love/trusted/ cared for has made my guard go WAY up and I still am getting colder as we speak. Idk why I keep on attracting people who overpromise and under deliver. People who portray themselves to be one way and then just when I’m starting to trust them they leave me feeling sad and embarrassed. It’s awful
Somehow softer. My abusive ex boyfriend died two months after I kicked him out of an overdose. He treated me pretty poorly, and I was really angry at the time. Almost 5 years later I’ve done a lot of healing and accepting of myself and what I deserve. It reminds me how cruel life can be and I can try to do what’s in my power to live a different way.
Colder… my job
Both: working as an oncology nurse
Sort of a mix of both – my mental health journey.
It’s made me softer because I am more aware and tolerant of others and how their own mental health may be impacting our interactions.
It’s made me colder because I’ve met far too many people who weaponise their behavioural problems and have treated me like shit while expecting me to give them what they want/need. I don’t accept that anymore.
Think I’ve always been soft. Born into and grew up in a very privileged bubble. Life on easy mode, everyone I’ve met and interacted with has been genuine and good people. Always appreciated the simple things in life (taste of good food, the colour of the sky, the cuteness of animals).
I’ve had exposure to the ‘realities of how harsh life can be for most people’, but I don’t feel like it has made me colder personally, just more…. understanding? Sympathetic?
[removed]
Colder. Childhood trauma. Depression, anxiety, ptsd, c-ptsd, physical health issues.
I do, however, have empathy. I’m not cold in that regard.
Softer + Colder = Having Children. I got softer for them and also colder to establish boundaries. I grew up quick!
Colder, the nicest man I had ever known refused to let me leave him. Refused to leave, refused to let me leave. So when I escaped, he tried to lure me back with threats of taking my dog away. He wouldn’t stop calling so I blocked him on everything.
Didn’t think he would be dumb enough to take my dog while under the influence and drive out of the city. He also trashed my place. During the clean up, I discovered that he was hiding a hole he put through my door behind a post her had put up months ago.
When they arrested him, he called me from jail asking for help, acting like it was his walls that he broke, like it was his tv that he threw the coffee table at, that it was his dog to take.
So I’m very cold, I’ve entered into a man hating phase after all the stories I have heard from friends where they feared for what a man would do to them due to their inability to control their emotions.
I think I got both softer and colder if thats possible. I suffered ALOT in childhood which hardened me and made me cold to most people EXCEPT when I recognize someone that is also suffering disproportionately and alone. Everyone suffers at some point but some people suffer much more than others and usually in silence and usually alone. I usually recognize those types of people and my own suffering has made me extremely soft and empathetic towards them. I know I would not have developed that specific softness and empathy if I did not experience alot of suffering myself. I stand by those people even if I barely know them, because I know what its like and I don’t want them to be alone.
Colder – I have very little automatic trust left.
Softer – I’m wiser about traumas, physical and mental.
I met a cat that made me love cats, and cats made me a softer human.
28 comments
[removed]
Softer, age. I’ve found myself a lot less intemperate in the last few years.
Things that made me softer?
Spending time with old people, in college me and some friends did volunteer work at an old folk’s home, and it put a lot of things into perspective for me, heartwarming things like how family is super important, and scary things like how not everyone can be trusted in life
Things that made me colder?
Getting backstabbed by close male friends, after being betrayed so many times in my life by close male friends, I have a super hard time trusting them, and don’t normally let them into my social circle anymore, last straw was when my childhood friend sent me a picture of his dick randomly and asked if I wanted to see more, it broke my heart because I knew him since I was 5 and he was like a brother to me :
Therapy and space from the hardest parts of my life (family) made me softer, less angry. Allowed me to surround myself with people who care for me deeply, and also gave me the tools and self esteem to allow that and feel deserving of it.
Colder. Seeing how men treat women.
Softer and stronger. Went to literal hell
Softer: Space from family and becoming friends with people who accepted that some of my trauma just made me traumatized, not stronger (my parents are immigrants so their take on some things was just “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”)
Colder – being bullied.
Softer. I know how it feels to be really depressed and not have a single person notice. I try to be nice to everyone.
Both: the realization that we live in a brutal and messed up world where it’s often twisted and self-serving (cold) but I as an individual have the choice and ability to add kindness back into it (soft)
I’ve walked through hell, I’ve escaped a childhood I shouldn’t have survived, I’ve built up from the razed ground and watched it burn again. The world has never done anything but try and put me on a one way express to bitter, cold, and hard. But I get to decide not to be
I can choose to add kindness to the world. In a million little ways a day, and bigger ways when I can. If helping someone with a door, throwing a ball back to some kids across the street, scooping the bumblebees out of the fountain, and smiling at strangers and acknowledging their fellow existence makes this world a better place, why wouldn’t I?
Today I bought two cookies from a little girl who hadn’t sold any at her little stand on a very quiet street. She is trying to save money to buy a kitten. I’m allergic to the cookies, but she doesn’t need to know and the people on the street corner a few blocks away were happy to have them. It cost me $5
Colder – family
But it’s better to learn that lesson at home
Being severely bullied has made me both softer and colder. Colder on the outside, because I don’t trust people anymore and am not as open; I self-isolate more and my previously super open, chipper, trusting, naive personality has given way to something a little more skeptical and standoffish. Softer on the inside, because I feel like going through such ostracization, cruelty, and isolation broke me in a way that makes me much more understanding, patient, curious, and empathetic with others, and a lot less judgmental. I feel more in tune with what hardships they may be facing internally and find myself wondering what they are going through rather than jumping to any conclusions.
Colder. Unhealed men that dont go to therapy and just hurt women without taking responsibility
Nothing. I learn, adjust/adapt, act, move on.
Being constantly disappointed, undervalued, and mistreated by people I either love/trusted/ cared for has made my guard go WAY up and I still am getting colder as we speak. Idk why I keep on attracting people who overpromise and under deliver. People who portray themselves to be one way and then just when I’m starting to trust them they leave me feeling sad and embarrassed. It’s awful
Somehow softer. My abusive ex boyfriend died two months after I kicked him out of an overdose. He treated me pretty poorly, and I was really angry at the time. Almost 5 years later I’ve done a lot of healing and accepting of myself and what I deserve. It reminds me how cruel life can be and I can try to do what’s in my power to live a different way.
Colder… my job
Both: working as an oncology nurse
Sort of a mix of both – my mental health journey.
It’s made me softer because I am more aware and tolerant of others and how their own mental health may be impacting our interactions.
It’s made me colder because I’ve met far too many people who weaponise their behavioural problems and have treated me like shit while expecting me to give them what they want/need. I don’t accept that anymore.
Think I’ve always been soft. Born into and grew up in a very privileged bubble. Life on easy mode, everyone I’ve met and interacted with has been genuine and good people. Always appreciated the simple things in life (taste of good food, the colour of the sky, the cuteness of animals).
I’ve had exposure to the ‘realities of how harsh life can be for most people’, but I don’t feel like it has made me colder personally, just more…. understanding? Sympathetic?
[removed]
Colder. Childhood trauma. Depression, anxiety, ptsd, c-ptsd, physical health issues.
I do, however, have empathy. I’m not cold in that regard.
Softer + Colder = Having Children. I got softer for them and also colder to establish boundaries. I grew up quick!
Colder, the nicest man I had ever known refused to let me leave him. Refused to leave, refused to let me leave. So when I escaped, he tried to lure me back with threats of taking my dog away. He wouldn’t stop calling so I blocked him on everything.
Didn’t think he would be dumb enough to take my dog while under the influence and drive out of the city. He also trashed my place. During the clean up, I discovered that he was hiding a hole he put through my door behind a post her had put up months ago.
When they arrested him, he called me from jail asking for help, acting like it was his walls that he broke, like it was his tv that he threw the coffee table at, that it was his dog to take.
So I’m very cold, I’ve entered into a man hating phase after all the stories I have heard from friends where they feared for what a man would do to them due to their inability to control their emotions.
I think I got both softer and colder if thats possible. I suffered ALOT in childhood which hardened me and made me cold to most people EXCEPT when I recognize someone that is also suffering disproportionately and alone. Everyone suffers at some point but some people suffer much more than others and usually in silence and usually alone. I usually recognize those types of people and my own suffering has made me extremely soft and empathetic towards them. I know I would not have developed that specific softness and empathy if I did not experience alot of suffering myself. I stand by those people even if I barely know them, because I know what its like and I don’t want them to be alone.
Colder – I have very little automatic trust left.
Softer – I’m wiser about traumas, physical and mental.
I met a cat that made me love cats, and cats made me a softer human.
Colder. I was bullied. I’m tired of people.