I (25M/NB) am unsure if (and how) I should end things with the guy (34M) I've been talking to.
For context, we met at a pride event. As soon as I saw him, I got the sense that if I didn't approach him and speak to him that I would regret it forever. I knew it was hokey and I'd never had such a feeling before, so I ignored it and went on with my night. Later that night, I went to get a drink and I saw him at the bar. I approached him and we hit it off.
I bought him drinks, and we spent the rest of the night talking and getting a feel for each other. We ended up leaving to eat, going back to his place, and hooking up. The foreplay chemistry and endorphins were great, but the sex (more on that later) and sleep were really poor. He physically (and I think unconsciously) insisted we cuddle throughout the night and his body is hard/dense with muscle, so my neck felt like I’d spent four hours lying on the pavement by the time morning came. He drives me home.
From the morning after we hooked up the first time, I struggled to categorize my feelings for him. I didn’t know what kind of connection was on the table or how far I would even be willing/able to go. The next week we agreed to hang out without sex but it of course ended up sexual. I was mildly annoyed by this because, beyond the light foreplay, the sex between us hurts no matter what roles or positions we take and I honestly cannot look forward to it. No matter what we do or how we strategize beforehand, it’s uncomfortable, and anything other than kissing feels like a chore.
We hooked up again and sleep was once again almost non-existent for me. In the morning, we took a shower together and I noticed certain habits (or lack thereof) that concern me. I didn't know if I had the right to say anything, so I kept my mouth shut. We went to brunch, which was nice, and he covered most of it. We chilled out at his place for a while, and it was peaceful, but it was at that point that I started to feel like I was no longer in the right place. I felt my attraction to him and my patience for anything non-platonic was draining. When I thought about it, I could imagine myself as his domestic partner but I struggled to envision romantic happiness or sexual contentment with him.
I haven't seen him in person since that weekend, and we’ve just been texting here and there while I try to sort my feelings out. Last night I asked him what he felt the vibe of our connection was (fwb, or possibly something more, etc.), and he responded this morning by saying that he likes me and was glad I asked. He lightly lamented our conflicting schedules (I work consecutive nights, he works typical 9-5), said he wouldn't mind spending more time together, and that he feels our connection is still growing.
Up until this morning, part of me had wondered if I was misinterpreting signs/missing subtext, because while I understood that he was attracted to me, I didn't know in what way. Part of me hoped that he only wanted to be fwb so that it would be easier to let him down. Part of me still wonders about that strange feeling I had when I first saw him and if I’ll ever develop deeper feelings for him. I don't want to string him along and I don't want to throw him away just because I don't feel sure at the moment.
TL;DR A guy I've been talking to said he’d like to get to know me better. He's been kind, we have chemistry, and his demeanor is a match, but my uncertainty, the uncomfortable sex, poor sleep, and his questionable hygiene have me feeling like he may not be the one. I kinda want to break things off with him, but I have a lingering, inexplicable suspicion that I would be throwing away someone amazing. I don’t know how to break things off in the best way or how to manage if I do end up regretting it.