His ex is ruining our relationship
Me(36F) and my fiance (33M) have been together a little over a year. We have a combined total of 5 daughters (mine 19,17 and 14 his 12 and 10). His ex is ruining our relationship and I don't know how to navigate this.
There have been multiple situations in which I feel she oversteps or inserts herself where she is no longer needed but also not wanted. Last night and today though I feel like I'm just at my breaking point with the whole situation.
We always have to tip toe around her because she uses the kids as pawns and fiance doesn't want to upset her and not be able to see or talk to his kids. She will literally block his phone number on the kids phones (that he pays for) when she's mad about something, so part of me does understand his situation and his thought process. However after yesterday I'm feeling like I'm always going to be second place due to how she uses the kids.
My daughter, 17, was driving and we live in an extremely small town so she does pass his ex house often. While driving she swerved to miss a truck and hit the ex trashcan. This has caused ww3. She called my fiance 3 times about this, yet not once has contacted me. She even called the cops over it. She called him again this morning to talk to him about seemingly just complaining about my daughter and when I tried to interject that she can call me instead he got mad at me and told me "we're not going to do that and have all this drama" and immediately turned it around to if we cause any problems he won't get to see his kids. I feel like I'm going to spend the rest of my life tip toeing around so her feelings don't get hurt, and I'm pissed. I'm so angry that I can't see straight because this woman lied to the cops about my kid ( we were able to prove it was a lie) and I'm not allowed to say a word. I feel like he'd rather me be upset than her be upset and that makes me feel like shit. Am I wrong to feel like he needs to stand up for me more and put more solid boundaries in place? Example " if it doesn't concern our daughters please don't include me in it"? I would have told my ex husband off in a second if he made my fiance feel like this.
Just frustrated and lost and don't know how to navigate her being such a big problem in our relationship.
Tl;dr
I feel like his ex is more important and always will be.