TW/CW: SA, unknown paternity, alcoholism
Throwaway because I have family/friends who lurk reddit.
I (27F) have almost always known my "dad" is not my biological father. My mom (50F) let it slip when I was 12 that she didn't actually know who my dad was. As far as I know he doesn't know and since I haven't spoken to him in several years, I don't care to tell him.
About a year ago my sister (23F) and I took an AncestryDNA test and sure enough it came back we're half siblings. It wasn't a huge shock and more of a confirmation we've shrugged off. My sister looks A LOT like our dad's side of the family so we've always assumed I'm the one with a different dad. I look almost exactly like my mom except for my nose.
I am at the point where I don't really want to pursue finding my biological father right now. Or at least I thought I was. My mother has a very long history of alcoholism and has made it clear she doesn't think she has a problem and doesn't want help. I was very hands off with her until recently.
A month ago my mom called me saying she was drunk, lost, and needed a ride home. I picked her up and took her home like I'd done a few times before. On the ride home she asks me if I ever did the "DNA stuff". I told her I had and yes I knew Dad was not my biological father.
She got quiet for a second before she starting crying. Like full on sobs. I told her it was fine I don't care and it doesn't affect my sister and I. She cried until we got to her house. I asked her why she was so upset.
This is when she dropped the bomb.
She told me she had been assaulted around the time my sister would have been conceived. She and my dad had taken a break after I turned 2 and co-parented for almost a year. My mom was very unstable back then and couch surfing on friends couches. She ended up at a guy she had barely knowns house and had gotten black out drunk. She woke up naked next to a guy she barely knew. She has no memory of anything happening before she woke up.
Her and my dad got back together about a month later and found out about my sister two months later. She never told my dad or anyone else until she told me.
My mom doesn't remember telling me this either. She was again very drunk.
I don't know what to do with this. There are so many questions I don't even know if I want the answer. Am I actually my dad's kid? Is my sister someone else's kid? Are either of us even his kid? I can't tell my sister our mom told me this. I just can't. But I can't keep this to myself anymore and now I think I do want to know if my dad is my bio father. I could ask someone on his side to do an AncestryDNA test and see if they pop up for either of us. But then I'd have to tell them WHY I needed this.
But then what? If I find out he is my dad then I know this big secret I can't tell anyone without causing other issues. I WANT to be the one with a different dad just so I can never have to think about this again.
What would y'all do? Do I tell my sister or let my mom know what she told me? Do I just force myself to forget about it and move on?