I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 9 months (officially for 4-5 months), and her jealousy and need for constant reassurance are driving me up the wall. I’m starting to feel mentally drained and need advice. Here are the worst incidents:
-Wedding drama: I was the best man at my brother’s wedding and mentioned how his fiancée is a great cook. My girlfriend got mad at me for “complimenting another woman.” I was stunned.
-Beach incident: At the beach, she snapped at me for “staring” at a woman in a bikini. I had my sunglasses on and probably looked at this woman a few times, but honestly I thought people watching at the beach was normal.
-Bar blow-up: On vacation in a big city, I ordered a drink at a bar, and she accused me of “checking out” the bartender. It ruined the night—she got snippy and distant, and we argued, I had no idea why. I only learned a week later what I’d supposedly done. This was 24 hours after my family dog of 16 years passed away, so I was already devastated, and I don't even recall looking at the bartender more than a few seconds.
I’ve never cheated on her or anyone else. I’m a friendly, outgoing guy who talks to people—men and women—without flirting. I notice attractive people (who doesn’t?), but I don’t act on it. Her constant need for validation, like fishing for compliments in texts or getting upset over Instagram reels I’ve liked, is exhausting. It’s pushing me away and making me respect her less, which I hate. We only see each other once a week due to distance (an hour apart) and conflicting schedules, but half our hangouts end with her upset over something minor.
She has great qualities: she’s family-oriented, humble, smart, disciplined, and an amazing cook, and is very pretty. She’s started therapy and acknowledges her insecurity (stemming from childhood issues), which gives me some hope. But I’m worried this is too deep-rooted to change, and I’m already feeling more pain than peace. I’ve stayed because I regret ending a past relationship too soon, but I keep thinking, “If this happens again, I’m done,” yet I’m still here. She’s noticed I’m pulling back, especially after the bartender incident (I literally just ordered a Diet Coke and glanced at the bartender). Me pulling back also hurts her, I can feel it, and it makes me feel terrible. But Im becoming numb a bit towards her, because every time an "event" happens, I lose attraction. Her constant need for reassurance is wearing me down, and I’m not sure if therapy will fix this or if I can handle waiting.I’m a grown man feeling mentally burdened and don’t know whether to stay or leave. Has anyone dealt with this? Can therapy really help and fix this, or is this a sign to move on?
TL;DR: I'm a 30M struggling with my 27F girlfriend's constant jealousy and need for validation after 9 months (officially dating for 4-5 months). She has great qualities and recently started therapy, but her frequent blow-ups and insecurity are draining me. Should I stay or go?