Immediate edit so I’m clear: I’m talking about before a date. I feel it toward others and act on it when I do.
This is likely me being too in my feels, but lately I’m getting really down at the thought that men never seemed to see me or talk to me and be instantly attracted to me. Did I fall for fairy tale lies?
I like who I am and how I look, though my weight has fluctuated in and out of my comfort zone. Regardless of weight though, I’ve never felt like anyone was ever like, “wow who is this woman?” or felt compelled to get to know me better. I’m pretty, outgoing, bubbly, funny, like I said I like myself. Sometimes it feels surprising to me that men don’t seem to see me this way in the wild, though I do well on apps and I receive lots of compliments on looks and personality once that “match” is established.
So lately, my confidence is shaken because I see romance like this in movies and books (obviously I understand that this is fiction) or hear other peoples’ accounts of instant attraction and meet cutes, and I’m beginning to feel like something is wrong with me that I’ve never been seen that way (I’ve felt it for men I’ve met plenty of times.)
So please be real with me, is this just a fantasy? Does this really happen to people? Have I been duped and this kind of romance isn’t a thing anymore? Or do I need look harder at myself and find what is holding me back from being wanted like that?
For what it’s worth, I’ve read the “why men don’t approach” conversation here a million times and have my own thoughts on it. I’m not interested in an argument about feminism vs dating and I do plenty of approaching, myself. I’d really just like some input on whether this instant attraction is something anyone can reasonably look forward to. Because it’s creating an insistent ache that I’m just not that girl. Thanks for your time and thoughts!