I (32/F) have been dating this German guy (35/M) for 1.5 yrs now. For the past 6 months, nearly all of our fights have turned into him emotionally spiraling and sometimes even threatening to hurt himself. He's lost his job recently and he has his current contract until March next year.
He has not been taking the situation seriously, he's not been applying for a job. Every time there a problem and I try to help him, he's complaining how he's got no time outside of 8-hour job, 2 hr long phone calls with his son, and talking to me after work (we live in two closely spaced cities in Germany). He told me that he wouldn't leave me if I'm biologically infertile, so I have to extend my support to him if he doesn't find a job until he does. I told him that one is not under my control (reproductive infertility) where as applying for a job is well under one's control. He spiraled again and told me how he's not able to plan anything for his life, everything is so difficult… So I took pity again and tried to help him. But I just realised that he planned just two days ago for an elaborate cycling trip with his son. I called him to ask why he lied to me, and he said he doesn't know how to answer this question. I'm feeling so broken and hurt right now. I really thought I could build my future with him.
What should I do?
TLDR – I (32F) have been dating a German man (35M) for 1.5 years. For the past 6 months, every conflict leads to him emotionally spiraling or even threatening self-harm. He recently lost his job (contract ends in March) but refuses to apply elsewhere, claiming he has no time or mental energy—yet he just planned a detailed vacation with his son. When I confronted him, he admitted he couldn’t explain the inconsistency. He’s demanded I support him through this, comparing it to how he’d stay with me if I were infertile. I’m feeling deeply hurt, manipulated, and emotionally drained.