My (34f) boyfriend (39m) and I have been together for 2 years, cohabitating for almost a full year. I would describe our relationship as healthy and comfortable. He is more serious and reserved, while I bring the “silly goose energy” to our dynamic. The balance works for us. At least, that’s what I thought.
Last night, I was at a bar near our home with some friends when his best friend’s wife walked in unexpectedly. We haven’t seen her in a while, so he decides to swing by for a bit. As we were chatting and catching up, I couldn’t help but notice how twinkly his eyes were each time he looked at her. I remember that look from when we first started dating, but I now realize I haven’t seen it in a while.
While making dinner later, I decided to ask him if he has a bit of a crush on her. He said no, but added that it’s possible he has a bit of an “intellectual crush” because she is “so interesting and fun.” The thing is, as a person with functioning eyeballs, I can see that she’s also physically attractive. The conversation turns to selecting a movie to watch later.
Y’all… what am I supposed to do with that information? Of all the possible answers to my question, I did not expect the one he gave. It feels like a double punch to the gut; in addition to not “buying” his explanation, I feel insulted by it. I know we will need to revisit this conversation soon, but I’m currently just trying to process the situation. Insights and advice would be appreciated.