I never really understood the “nice guy” phenomenon a lot of guys have run into. But I’ve definitely always been communicative and affirming in how I talk and listen, but on the flip side I definitely have an internal locus of self that makes me feel in touch when someone is projecting too much onto me or putting me in a position where I have to be direct(an asshole as some would call it).
I say all that to say, is what I’m experiencing is. When I meet a women who points out how unique it is to meet a guy who is capable of emotionally deep and empathetic conversations, they tend to want to keep him in that place.
I’ll find if I drift a bit too much into making myself available as a listener or texter that it kind of becomes getting dragged into a cellphone buddy space.
Look I know it’s a joke that’s been passed around for a minute that no one actually wants to be friends with women, not even women lol. But it does put guys in a precarious date when they meet a women who claims to want to get to know them on an emotional level in a romantic space but they sort of conflict it by doing things that are usually disqualifying factors in a dating romantic sense;
Venting about other guys, trauma dumping about life, only reaching out to talk about themselves, avoidant about meeting after days/weeks of deep conversation.
Tl;dr: I’ve dated as the empathetic affirming guy(nice guy) and I’ve dated as the asshole(intentional, direct, only focusing on conversation where the person shows sexual/physical interest instead of leaning into conversation). And tbh it feels like dating is more of an enjoyable experience as a man when you are more objective based than exploratory.