I think I’m set to be alone forever….

24 comments

1. I’m 34 and have been single my whole life! Def plan to keep it that way

2. At least you’re not like me, 35 and getting divorced. I’m quite enjoying being single though

3. I wish i had advice but i dont im just right there with you. I turn 29 tomorrow and have been single for a long time now. Its hard to keep going at the dating apps just for nothing to work out. It really stings

4. Bro, you’re bricked up and have dating app burnout. Get off the fucking internet ASAP, go talk to people and show an interest in THEIR lives, also go to therapy, it’s super helpful.

5. I don’t know any happily married couples if that helps

6. You’re not alone, I feel the same way. I’m 36 and I’ve never been in a relationship and it’s looking like it will never change.

7. I feel it too, same boat bro! Just gotta hang in there depressing as it seems

8. Same, honestly. The only redeeming qualities I have aren’t physical unless you get to know me, like my ability to carry heavy things or reach high up things, and my non-physical qualities go unnoticed because nobody takes the chance.

9. I turn 40 in less than 2 months and haven’t had a girlfriend in six years. I haven’t had a consistent FWB even in about 4, not that I want one now.

   I deleted the apps, and the singles events have been pretty weak this year. I have accepted that I’ll pretty much be single for the next 5 years while I work on my master’s degree and licensure.

   At this point, I’m just trying to fill my life up with positive challenges, connections (friend, family, and community, and purpose). I also just bought a Switch 2, so looking forward to what games come out on that 😃

10. Let me ask you an honest question. Why do you want to be in a relationship? Ask yourself that first. Is it just because you feel like you’re supposed to? Or because you want to make someone else happy. Start with making a difference in the people around you.

11. > People wouldn’t proposed if they aren’t doing well in their relationship

    My friend, I must disagree with you there.

    A good, healthy, loving relationship would be amazing. But I would rather be single than in a tough relationship every day of the week.

12. I turned 37 this weekend and am in the same boat. Unfortunately I’m not attractive enough to justify how very picky I am, so 🫠 guess I can only blame myself.

13. Sometimes happy married aren’t happy as they seem to. But yes, humans yearn for companionship. Maybe get a pet for the time being? The dating scene is bad in general, especially the apps, seems like no one is interested in having a conversation even.

14. The people who like you are not the ones that you like? There’s a chance you’re being too picky. I personally would have put my boyfriend in the “ones I don’t like” category, but drunk me gave him a chance and I’m glad I did over a year later lol

15. I’m 33f and the dating apps are exhausting. I think it’s time to maybe take a pause on them, and just do fun stuff out in the world. I’ve been trying new things and getting out there. I haven’t met anyone, but it is fun! The apps can just be depressing

16. Join hikes and other activities through meetup.com. Take dance classes, square, swing or salsa. Join a running group.

17. You’re not behind you’re just on a different timeline. Everyone finds their person at their own pace, and comparison will only steal your joy. Focus on building a life you love, not just one that looks like everyone else’s the right person will want to share *your* life, not a checklist.

18. > People wouldn’t proposed if they aren’t doing well in their relationship and 3-5 seems like a good enough time to settle and get married so it’s seems they are actually happy

    You really don’t know. There are plenty of people who get married not because they have a good relationship, but because they are afraid of being alone, don’t want to date again, think something “good enough” is better than nothing, etc.

    There are also plenty of people who do get married after dating for years not out of love, but out of a kind of obligation – the sunk cost fallacy at work. Those marriages may not be happy at all. And there are plenty of those marriages that end in divorce.

    Once again: you really don’t know what’s going on with other people and their relationships.

19. The most important thing to remember about trying to find a match on dating apps is it’s a marathon, not a sprint. 

    I know exactly how you’re feeling. I’m the same age, in the exact same boat, and I fall into the same trap just about every week. Putting in a ton of energy every day will just burn you out for no additional gain. Instead you need to find a way to slow yourself down.

    This isn’t easy advice to follow. I’m literally here telling you this now and I still struggle to follow this advice. The apps are designed to get you hooked, and you’re lonely. There is a problem to solve and you want to throw energy at solving it, but past a certain point, throwing any more energy at it just empties you for no gain.

    What has helped for me is the following:

    1: Heavily limiting what apps I’m using. Right now I only use Boo and Bumble. Neither are owned by the giant monopoly Match group so they are slightly less evil. 

    2: Using tight filters to reduce how many bad profiles I have to swipe through before seeing one that I’m genuinely interested in. Both Boo and Buble allow filtering by interest which is critical to me. If the app forces me to look through tons of bad matches because it has bad filters, I stop using it. 

    The tight filters also mean I will run out of matches quickly. That’s a good thing! It means I can jump on the app once a day, see the 1-2 people that I might actually be interested in, then have a reason to put down the app so I don’t keep doom swiping for hours.

    3: I work on building myself up. I take the energy that I would have put into swiping and use it to practice a skill or exercise or work on whatever I don’t like about myself.

    I play guitar, I work out and try to lose weight. I’m not trying to fit someone else’s ideal, but I am working on meeting my own. The closer I am to my ideal, the more confident I am, which is both attractive in itself, and also helps crush that feeling that people aren’t swiping on me because I’m “not good enough.”

    4: And this is the hardest one to do, I’m trying to find happiness without a partner. I force myself to climb out of my cave and hang out with friends. To go play games I enjoy to amuse myself. To watch movies and shows I like. To just generally do stuff for myself, and also do stuff for others, because altruism feels good too. 

    It doesn’t make the loneliness go away, but it makes it easier to carry.

    Anyways that’s my two cents. I hope it helps. Good luck out there!

20. Dating market really isn’t that bad. Just look around outside and start making friends. Also, figuring out what you want in a relationship first.

21. 33M here. Bro, stop comparing yourself to others. Go do some therapy and get on Dr Robert Glover books (No More Mr Nice Guy and Dating Essentials for Men). Those will do wonders for you.

    Either way, at this age, the best a man can be is alone building his empire. Good luck.

22. If you’re missing a career, good finances, and friends, focus on those things for a while.

23. I feel you! 31F dealing with similar feelings of being alone lol 😂

24. I’m single myself but never giving up hope.