Curious on reasoning, and when you realised that actually, this relationship / person isn’t for you.
24 comments
Does it count if I said no and we stayed together?
I just wasn’t ready at that exact time. I was in the middle of a mental breakdown – truly one of the lowest I think I’ve ever been. I’m pretty good at hiding it and he was blinded by excitement. He went for it, and it was a disaster.
I’ve never felt like a bigger POS than I did that night. He was completely broken, and it destroyed me. I still cry if I think too long about it because it really did fuck me up. I’d never seen his eyes so sad. 🙁
I just didn’t think we were ready for that step yet. (We were seven years old.)
So I said yes first and then I reneged the more uncomfortable I was getting with him being actually serious about it and me thinking it was more of a fantasy/play thing.
I simply just don’t want to get married. It wasn’t about him or the relationship, it was the concept of marriage itself. I’m very much a monogamous-exclusive romantic date me type, but I stepped off the “relationship escalator” a long time ago. So I seek forms of commitment in non traditional ways, which is quite fitting because I’m queer.
That ex now lives very happily with his life partner, who he is *not* married to but are defacto pet-parents living out non traditional childfree bliss. So ironically, it worked out great for the both of us, because marriage isn’t something he eventually wanted either! LOL
Depends on which one. Generally some mix of:
* I had no desire to marry them
* We weren’t in any way compatible
* It was inappropriate for them to even ask me that
Did you say no to him, or to the fairytale you’d written in your head that didn’t match real life?
Although I am currently married, I was proposed to about 17 years ago and turned my then boyfriend down. Because of the age difference in our relationship, he was more serious about settling down and having children, whereas I was still young and trying to establish my career. Moreover, I was not interested in having children, especially at that point in my life. He was convinced that I could handle working full-time, going to grad school and taking care of a baby since other women were able to do it. However, I did not foresee myself doing well with that struggle.—I was already worn out from doing the other two plus my volunteer work for networking purposes.—Had no space for a child. Plus, at the time, he had some career issues, and I was not interested in struggling with an infant in an already stressful economy. Later on he became verbally and emotionally abusive, so I was glad that I trusted my gut and never married him.—I wish I could get those two wasted years with him back.
One time was because we were literally 15 years old and the other was because he was my cousin 😤
I knew him for exactly a week and it was an unhealthy obsession (on his end).
And we weren’t dating or hooking up. I was happily in a 2-year-long relationship with my boyfriend at the time. And he knew.
In fact, I had never even called him by his first name, and only knew him in a professional capacity.
I was also days older than 21 and he was 39.
So. Many. Reasons.
I said no to a friend of mine who was a trucker. He had our lives all planned out. He’d go over the road; I’d stay home and do his books and schedule his loads. It sounded so isolating!
So I said no.
He’s happily married now, working for a company that does his schedule. I’m happily married to someone else, working at a job I actually like with other people around, outside the house.
We were at the lowest point in our relationship. I was asking him to get us couples counseling and he didn’t. And apparently he thought he could fix everything by proposing to me (or rather, having our two year old propose to me). I said yes at first because we were in public, and two days later gave him the ring back and explained that it was really the wrong time. Two months later I ended the 7 year relationship.
His penis was too big and sex was so painful I hated doing it with him. I endured it just because everything else in our relationship was perfect. But one day I realized I just couldn’t live my life like that anymore. If we had sex, I would resent him. He had a really high sex drive, and if we didn’t have sex, he would resent me. I thought I could live with it because he was such a great guy. But when he presented the ring, I just froze up and couldn’t say yes.
Because I broke up with him and he was just asking me to get back with me. So romantic.
Because I had told him again and again that it wasn’t what I wanted. We were too young (barely 18) and had been dating for a few years, but I was already feeling suffocated by his constant need to control things in my life. He was a full-time job of a relationship that left room for nothing else (like even hindering my senior year), and I wanted more than that. I knew if I said yes, he’d get worse and more possessive. He asked several times over the next year we were together, and every time I said no, it was a full-on guilt tippy fit.
He was very abusive. We were both 17 and the idea was to get married right after college. He said that it was basically destiny. I laughed and said “he needed to ask me right or it was going to be a no” I ran away to another country to get away from him.
[removed]
We had only known each other a couple weeks, lol.
He never seriously proposed while we were together. I left after 5.5 years after he finally physically hurt me. He proposed after I left and it was just a hard no at that point.
Sometimes it hits you in quiet moments when you imagine the future and feel more trapped than excited. Saying no isn’t about not loving them; it’s about realizing you’d be compromising parts of yourself to say yes.
[removed]
He felt I should sacrifice my career to be a sahm once we had kids, even though I made much more money because he’s the man.
Also, he never came out and said this directly, but he definitely believed that fidelity was essential for women “in order to keep the family together” but fidelity for a husband was, shall we say, optional. He also deliberately sought to work with companies where he could go on frequent business trips to places like Germany and the Netherlands. Ya know, wink wink.
We were graduating high school. He proposed because he thought that would mean I would choose to go to the same university as him because he was scared.
I said no because we weren’t ready for that step and I didn’t want to spend time in university holding his hand. I wanted to have my own independent experience.
I wasn’t ready to marry him. I hadn’t even finished college yet. He also proposed because he woke up from a dream and I was gone and that scared him.
Five years later he asked again and I said yes.
Because they only wanted citizenship, lol.
Proof that even if you’re hot and offer a girl $10k, she still might not marry you.
We were too young (16+17).
It was sabotage to keep me when he knew I wanted to break up.
24 comments
Does it count if I said no and we stayed together?
I just wasn’t ready at that exact time. I was in the middle of a mental breakdown – truly one of the lowest I think I’ve ever been. I’m pretty good at hiding it and he was blinded by excitement. He went for it, and it was a disaster.
I’ve never felt like a bigger POS than I did that night. He was completely broken, and it destroyed me. I still cry if I think too long about it because it really did fuck me up. I’d never seen his eyes so sad. 🙁
I just didn’t think we were ready for that step yet. (We were seven years old.)
So I said yes first and then I reneged the more uncomfortable I was getting with him being actually serious about it and me thinking it was more of a fantasy/play thing.
I simply just don’t want to get married. It wasn’t about him or the relationship, it was the concept of marriage itself. I’m very much a monogamous-exclusive romantic date me type, but I stepped off the “relationship escalator” a long time ago. So I seek forms of commitment in non traditional ways, which is quite fitting because I’m queer.
That ex now lives very happily with his life partner, who he is *not* married to but are defacto pet-parents living out non traditional childfree bliss. So ironically, it worked out great for the both of us, because marriage isn’t something he eventually wanted either! LOL
Depends on which one. Generally some mix of:
* I had no desire to marry them
* We weren’t in any way compatible
* It was inappropriate for them to even ask me that
Did you say no to him, or to the fairytale you’d written in your head that didn’t match real life?
Although I am currently married, I was proposed to about 17 years ago and turned my then boyfriend down. Because of the age difference in our relationship, he was more serious about settling down and having children, whereas I was still young and trying to establish my career. Moreover, I was not interested in having children, especially at that point in my life. He was convinced that I could handle working full-time, going to grad school and taking care of a baby since other women were able to do it. However, I did not foresee myself doing well with that struggle.—I was already worn out from doing the other two plus my volunteer work for networking purposes.—Had no space for a child. Plus, at the time, he had some career issues, and I was not interested in struggling with an infant in an already stressful economy. Later on he became verbally and emotionally abusive, so I was glad that I trusted my gut and never married him.—I wish I could get those two wasted years with him back.
One time was because we were literally 15 years old and the other was because he was my cousin 😤
I knew him for exactly a week and it was an unhealthy obsession (on his end).
And we weren’t dating or hooking up. I was happily in a 2-year-long relationship with my boyfriend at the time. And he knew.
In fact, I had never even called him by his first name, and only knew him in a professional capacity.
I was also days older than 21 and he was 39.
So. Many. Reasons.
I said no to a friend of mine who was a trucker. He had our lives all planned out. He’d go over the road; I’d stay home and do his books and schedule his loads. It sounded so isolating!
So I said no.
He’s happily married now, working for a company that does his schedule. I’m happily married to someone else, working at a job I actually like with other people around, outside the house.
We were at the lowest point in our relationship. I was asking him to get us couples counseling and he didn’t. And apparently he thought he could fix everything by proposing to me (or rather, having our two year old propose to me). I said yes at first because we were in public, and two days later gave him the ring back and explained that it was really the wrong time. Two months later I ended the 7 year relationship.
His penis was too big and sex was so painful I hated doing it with him. I endured it just because everything else in our relationship was perfect. But one day I realized I just couldn’t live my life like that anymore. If we had sex, I would resent him. He had a really high sex drive, and if we didn’t have sex, he would resent me. I thought I could live with it because he was such a great guy. But when he presented the ring, I just froze up and couldn’t say yes.
Because I broke up with him and he was just asking me to get back with me. So romantic.
Because I had told him again and again that it wasn’t what I wanted. We were too young (barely 18) and had been dating for a few years, but I was already feeling suffocated by his constant need to control things in my life. He was a full-time job of a relationship that left room for nothing else (like even hindering my senior year), and I wanted more than that. I knew if I said yes, he’d get worse and more possessive. He asked several times over the next year we were together, and every time I said no, it was a full-on guilt tippy fit.
He was very abusive. We were both 17 and the idea was to get married right after college. He said that it was basically destiny. I laughed and said “he needed to ask me right or it was going to be a no” I ran away to another country to get away from him.
[removed]
We had only known each other a couple weeks, lol.
He never seriously proposed while we were together. I left after 5.5 years after he finally physically hurt me. He proposed after I left and it was just a hard no at that point.
Sometimes it hits you in quiet moments when you imagine the future and feel more trapped than excited. Saying no isn’t about not loving them; it’s about realizing you’d be compromising parts of yourself to say yes.
[removed]
He felt I should sacrifice my career to be a sahm once we had kids, even though I made much more money because he’s the man.
Also, he never came out and said this directly, but he definitely believed that fidelity was essential for women “in order to keep the family together” but fidelity for a husband was, shall we say, optional. He also deliberately sought to work with companies where he could go on frequent business trips to places like Germany and the Netherlands. Ya know, wink wink.
We were graduating high school. He proposed because he thought that would mean I would choose to go to the same university as him because he was scared.
I said no because we weren’t ready for that step and I didn’t want to spend time in university holding his hand. I wanted to have my own independent experience.
I wasn’t ready to marry him. I hadn’t even finished college yet. He also proposed because he woke up from a dream and I was gone and that scared him.
Five years later he asked again and I said yes.
Because they only wanted citizenship, lol.
Proof that even if you’re hot and offer a girl $10k, she still might not marry you.
We were too young (16+17).
It was sabotage to keep me when he knew I wanted to break up.
He wouldn’t move out of his parents’ house.
It was a text (and I thought it was a joke).
Here’s to hoping #5 isn’t a no 🙃