Yeah I’ve been on pretty much 100 first dates now. I’ve been on dates with men, women and non-binary people. I dated people from apps, irl, friends etc. I “accomplished” this in about 5 years. It’s been one hell of a ride. I’ve varied up the kinds of people I met and it’s been all over the place. People who met my preferences to a T and the exact opposite. I dated all across cultural boundaries (dated many people who were international students at my school).

I have honestly been on so many first dates that it has now made me jaded and cynical. This of course led to me deleting the apps and deciding on taking a hiatus. I also have sworn to celibacy 🙂 . So before I jump back in, I wanna know how can I do better. I can’t do another 100 dates to find a long term partner. I’ve had sooo many friends look at and MAKE dating profiles for me. I swiped in different countries (I’m in the US but travel a good bit) but nothing really worked.

I’m not hideous. Just regular looking. I am a minority so that may have a factor. I’m chubby now but I wasn’t always (honestly until like 8 months ago I was athletic). I think I’m fun and I have a lotta silly hobbies. I’m in engineering so I make decent money. My standards aren’t even high.

I’m over it, the only attention I get in real life is either from a man my dad’s age or a creeper or straight up pity . I’m pretty upset. I just want a lover or someone who’s at least into me somewhat and semi normal (I’m neurodivergent). Help haha


15 comments

  1. I think the problem is you. Like you said you’ve been diverse & casted a wide net so the common denominator is you.

    Like psychology says that too much options limits our actual freedom of choice. You’ve been on a 100+ dates & I think you’re lost in terms of knowing what you want.

  2. Yea you gotta know what you want. I dated this girl and I straight up told her that she’s not what I’m looking for in a life partner. We even remained friends and sleep together sometimes. But atleast I let her know upfront there will be nothing more.

  5. I honestly don’t know without knowing your dating style. As you are ND it could be too much work for some people, however there are a lot of ND people in relationships.

    From reading Reddit with most dates that go nowhere it’s a lack of reciprocated interest. I.e. no flirting, no compliments, no enthusiasm, no hugging, kissing, touching, sex.

  6. Don’t worry, you’re just collecting stories for when the right person comes along! Keep being you.

  7. 100 first dates with no relationship sounds like analysis paralysis. Next time you meet someone that you sort of vibe with, commit to a second and maybe third date. Engineering brains have it tough, don’t expect to be swept away immediately.

  8. As a ND woman dating is so tough for us. I wonder if you feel the need to mask who you are “to fit in” in those dates? Because it’s a common thing for us.

  9. People know when you’re going out with them because you’re interested in them as a person, and when you’re just hoping they take on a role in your life. I’ve gone on dates with men where I knew immediately I was being seen as “that girl from Bumble” and they’re going through the motions of a first date. And then I’ve gone on dates with men where they planned an activity they knew I liked, they asked me personal questions, they made second date plans as they walked me home.

    Chubby, neurodivergent women who are minorities fall in love every day. These are not factors against you. My advice is to take a break from dating. Reevaluate the kind of person you want in your life. Then only pursue those people. Approach people who are your type, who have similar lifestyles, who you’re genuinely curious to learn more about.

  11. Have you ever written any of these dates down? Like a date journal? If not, make one. Write about your experiences, being honest about yourself, and see if there are any habits or patterns that might be pushing these people away?

  13. Dude here. Attraction builds with two factors: time and proximity. Your problem is that you want to be immediately starstruck without having any social pretense with a man. You need to hang out with guys you already know or meet other guys through them and get to know them as people in the real world.

    Your time is short, Bekky, don’t waste it.

  14. You’ve decided to sample every candy bar in the aisle and now you’ve overstimulated yourself. You’ve given yourself too much comparable data and fell for the “freedom” of modern dating trap. Nothing feels special to you anymore.

Leave a Reply