TL;DR if it’s too much.
Hi everyone, I need some advice. It’s been around 6 months since I stopped talking to my parents. Let me give a background: Good things my parents did— They educated me, encouraged me to do well and be independent, always gave me pocket money to spend etc. Bad things— I got beaten as a kid a lot, till I was in 11th grade my father hit me, kicked me a lot. I was a naughty kid, I agree. Never did drugs or anything, just the usual teenager. And my mother stood by and never said anything. My mother and me also have a “not so good” relationship. She always put me down, insulted me, never consoled me, always said hurtful mean things that she knew would break my confidence. But she was a working woman, who provided for me, paid for my education, bought me clothes and food.. I never was short of any of that.
Coming to now— 6 months ago, I lost my job and during that time, they were concerned more about “how embarrassing it will be for everyone to know I lost my job”
And I know it’s a small issue, but somehow this just broke me. It bought back all the times my parents were worried about others opinions. The time they took 2 years to accept my bf, only cause they were worried what the society and their families will think if I marry outside my community. The time my mother made my wedding preparations so hard cause she constantly put me down. The time my father fat shamed me and said “your bf likes fat girls that’s why you are fat”. The time my father had an affair and I found out. I was just a kid.
Everything just came flooding back. It’s like for 25 years I’ve forgiven them and just kept doing it cause they’ve done all this for me in terms of my life(what I’ve mentioned above in good)
But now, I cannot anymore.
I moved after my job and 6months they’ve not even checked if I have another job, and I okay? NOTHING. Not a message, no call. They are waiting for me to talk to them first. This is their pattern btw from when I was a kid, anything I do wrong, they stop talking to me for days, till I break the ice. Then I had no one, I had to do it. Now I am happily married in a healthy relationship, I don’t want to anymore. I have a family, I don’t have the need to break the ice. And why should I?
So reddit, help me. And tell me. Am I wrong? Shouldn’t I be grateful? There are worse parents am I making a bigger deal?
Sumnary: Parents provided well for me, but had toxic traits and now I have cut them off. Am I wrong?